An Open Letter

Dear Swimwear Designer,

First of all, please accept our thanks for discovering the wonderful world of the "tankini". It makes good sense to allow women everywhere to choose the correct size for both top and bottom. This is a good thing.

So, please, don't take it the wrong way when we point out that, for some of us, the ones that Mother Nature has been . . . generous with . . .the cute, adorable suits do not quite fit, exactly. The bottoms are great - couldn't be better. The problem is with the tops.

The tops. Where to begin?

See, Swimwear Designer, some of us actually have breasts, boobs, casaba melons - whatever term gets your heart racing. And sometimes, our bodies are not really in proportion. (Think Pamela Anderson. Think Anna Nicole Smith. Think Dolly Parton.)

And when our bodies are not in proportion, we have a problem finding swimwear if we cannot afford to have our own swimwear designer available to whip up custom sized pieces.

In order to find tops that fit and cover more than a bandaid, we have to look at the misses' and women's sizes. Now, please, sit down for this next part - who in the hell told you that larger women (no matter WHY they are larger) actually like wild purple floral prints that look like Grandma on acid? Whoever led you astray should be shot. Honey, no one looks good in that shit.

Is there a particular reason that you, Swimwear Designer, think that women who need a little more coverage can't have the cute styles and patterns too? Is there a reason that you cannot just extend the style all the way up the size range?

Let the 'chick give you an example.

There was an adorable white eyelet tankini. The bottoms were fabulous. The top, well, not so good. Maybe as a bandana to hold back her hair. As a swim top suitable for public wear? Uh uh, nope, no way.

Your assistance would be greatly appreciated by women everywhere.

Sincerely,

Roadchick