Wednesday, May 20, 2009

I Have A Secret

He asked.

I said yes.

'Nuff said.


Tuesday, May 12, 2009

{This Space Reserved for a More Amusing Post}

As soon as I think of one.

Life in the Roadtrip corner of the world is better now. Redneck wisely decided that he needed to get me out of town before something really bad happened. To someone else. Because I snapped and climbed a tower with a rifle.

Last Thursday, we got the chance to do a ride-along in IROC race cars and Mustang drift cars as a part of the Marlboro Hot Laps program. In a bad mood? Life going to crap? Going 140 mph will definitely lift your spirits. I highly recommend it. The only way it would've been any better was if they had let me drive.

On Friday, we got up and headed to Metropolis IL to the Harrah's Casino there. We took our time, took a 10 mile detour off the highway, hit some antique shops and then hit the casino. We didn't win anything, but it was fun. Then Redneck took me out for dinner and we just kicked back and enjoyed the time away together.

The hotel that we stayed at offered a free continental breakfast including waffles. The girl at the front desk was particularly proud of that and mentioned it several times and also informed me that there would also be boiled eggs.

I woke up pretty early but figured that no one really wanted to see me wandering down to the lobby in my pajamas so I got a shower and got dressed before heading down there.

When I got there, it was to a lobby full of rednecks (not to be confused with Redneck). I have a fondness for rednecks in general, but these particular rednecks had snaffled up all of the boiled eggs. I suspect they were packed in a cooler somewhere until they could hit Hardee's and snag some mayo, mustard, and relish packets. Voila! Dressed eggs for the picnic later! And free! That's good eatin'!

I also noticed that they ate all of the Froot Loops and Lucky Charms. Ditto the cinnamon rolls. The organic granola and bagels were safe for another day.

They were also in the process of setting the lobby on fire with the waffle iron. A rather large woman had commandeered the machine (blocking the coffee pot in the process) but had no clue how to operate it.

The iron was beeping like crazy and the little light on the front was whirling around like a propeller. She promptly turned around and HOLLERED at the front desk: "Something is WRONG with this-here contraption. I don't know how to work it. It's making noise."

I glanced over after nudging her out of the way of the coffee pot and told her quietly, "When it beeps, that means it's time to turn the waffle." After she picked the machine up by the handle and looked ready to launch it, I amended my instructions to: "If you will rotate that handle, the waffle burner will turn over and cook the other side of the waffle."

I am sympathetic to the technically and culinarily impaired, but it was a little ridiculous. The directions were on a large poster directly over the waffle iron. In pictures. With arrows. In color.

Since coming home, we managed to make it through Mother's Day without bloodshed. (This is not always a given.)

To balance out all of the good and lovely things that took place over the weekend, the Universe decided that in order to make sure my life was in balance, I needed a kidney infection to make me aware of my blessings.

There is nothing remotely amusing about a kidney infection unless you count the fact that the medicine they give you for pain does interesting things. Depending on which one you get (there are two basic varieties) you will either pee blue or red/orange. It's a fun little party trick. (Not really.) I was reading the insert on the one I got (the red/orange kind) and it informed me that if you wear soft contacts (and I do) that you should not wear your soft contacts while taking this medicine because "it can cause permanent staining of the lenses". What? Are you telling me that if I were to cry, I would cry red/orange tears? I'm halfway tempted to rent Terms of Endearment and try it out. Now THAT's a pretty good party trick for Halloween!

Monday, May 11, 2009

Insult to Injury

A UTI on top of cramps.
(Sorry, guys.)

Life is not fair.

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Radio Silence

Patient Reader, Auntie Roadchick apologizes for the extended radio silence that has taken over the Roadtrip. Suffice to say, a couple of things in real life have my head absolutely spinning and following that old, old advice: Since I have nothing nice to say right now, I won't say anything at all.

I will be back, hopefully very soon, with the whole Roadie Crew.

Tell me something funny in Comments and make me laugh - please?