Friday, September 29, 2006

Sunday Scribblings: Skin

Well, boys and girls, isn't this an interesting topic for a Sunday Scribbling???

The 'chick has considered her options for the post and her mind wandered from a medical discourse discussing the properties of skin to a cosmetic commentary discussing the care and maintenance of skin to a self-confidence type entry discussing "love the skin you're in" but all of these were rejected for sex.

Y'all knew that was where this was going, didn't you?

The 'chick is going to discuss the industry of skin and the profits of said industry.


In her past, the 'chick has visited several, ahem, adult establishments. Always as part of a group and not as a voyeur or for personal gratification.

The first time the 'chick set foot in a strip club, she was with a boyfriend who was applying for a job as a bartender. The 'chick is not going to discuss her feelings on this endeavor, rather she is going to discuss her impressions of the experience.

Roadchick was young at the time and not nearly as jaded as she is now. She had seen such things in movies but in her sheltered existence, she had never actually been to a club. It was dimly lit, although not too dark and there were little groupings of tables and chairs surrounding the stage area. The bar was located at the back of the room. Roadchick and Yucky Boy made their way to the bar and he began filling out an application. While he was doing that, the 'chick looked around to see what there was to see. A few girls made their way to the stage and did their dance numbers, collecting dollars from the few men scattered about. No one was particularly enthusiastic about any part of the process, girls or men. That made the 'chick wonder - then why bother???

As the 'chick sat there, waiting patiently, a number of the girls approached the bar and were talking to the 'chick. Was she there to apply? Did she want to dance? Wasn't she just the prettiest thing? And what pretty hair. She would be so popular. Did she want to come backstage and look around? Had she danced before? The 'chick was astounded by all the attention. The men in the place were also astounded that all the girls were more interested in chatting to the 'chick than chatting to them and possibly earning dollars. The 'chick came to the conclusion that at least she was a novel experience - the men were all the same.

The 'chick also attended a "dance" performance of Florida's Finest - a male review, with her sister-in-law. A gaggle of screeching, giggling women waving money and acting like fools. The 'chick was not included in the gaggle since she was using her dollars to buy drinks - a much more sensible purchase and much better value for the money. It was fun, as those things go, but not so much fun that the 'chick wished to return anytime soon. To cap the evening off, several of the dancers gave sister-in-law their phone numbers. That made the 'chick laugh when she thought about how many of those women present were writing phone numbers on the dollars they were stuffing down g-strings.

The last time the 'chick attended a strip club, it was at the tail end of a bachelorette party for Best Friend. The group of women met up with the bachelor party men for the groom at a Nashville club. Roadchick wound up sitting next to a drunken man of non-American origin who spoke no English. As the 'chick didn't speak his language either, she was having a hard time telling him to take a long walk off a short pier and if he didn't keep his hands to himself, she was going to kill him and dump the body in the lake. It took Best Friend's husband-to-be to finally get the guy to back off and go 'way.

At this club, the 'chick was older and a little more philosophical about the experience. She wondered if the girls' mamas knew what their little precious darlings were doing to earn pocket money (what pockets???) while away at that prestigious Ivy League university. And, she was impressed at the athleticism it must take to hang upside down from a pole with only one leg hooked around it. And she has never seen so much silicone in one place in her life. Rightside up, upside down, it didn't matter. Honey, those boobs did NOT move. Impressive.

There was a room toward the back and the crowd could see through the doorway. This was the Lap Dance Room. Anyone who paid for a lap dance went back there with the dancer of their choice and was seated in a recliner. The 'chick watched for a few minutes. She could only see the back of the man's head but completely see the dancer's face. She was moving, dancing away, but by the expression on her face, she was making out a grocery list or wondering if she turned the iron off before she left home. It was a good thing the man could NOT see that or else he probably would've asked for his money back.

While there, the 'chick needed to have a pee. (Well, she did, and what other choice did she have???) In her other two experiences, she did not ever visit the facilities so she was unprepared when she entered the restroom here. There was ONE toilet. With a tiny little partition and NO door or curtain. There was NO way to lock the outside door. She understands why this is, but it creeped her out anyway. See, the 'chick is a private bathroom person. She cannot pee when others are present. She can if she has her own little stall, but not as a social activity. At a strip club, evidently, it is a social activity. A dancer came in while the 'chick was in there and proceeded to chat with the 'chick while she desperately tried to pee. The 'chick was getting embarrassed because it was taking her forever and she wondered what the dancer must be thinking. "When is she going to get done? She's been there FOREVER. My next set must be coming up soon - I hope she's done by then. Is she even peeing or just sitting there? Maybe I should turn the sink on, maybe that will help. Did you ever see such modesty in all your life? And at a strip club too."

That experience pretty much cured the 'chick of hanging out at skin establishments.

So, skin. We've all got it. But the 'chick really doesn't need to look at anyone else's. Especially not if it costs money and leads to peeing as a social activity.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Tagged! and a Contest

Autrice tagged the 'chick with the following meme:

The Rules of this tag game are:
1. Grab the book nearest to cheating!
2. Open to page 123.
3. Scroll down to the fifth sentence.
4. Post text of next 3 sentences on to your blog.

In the spirit of innernets cooperation, here goes:

The glint in his gray eyes as he seated himself opposite her told her that Rhy was well aware why she hadn't chosen the sofa, but she ignored him and amused herself by watching the parade of early-morning travelers.

Their flight was five minutes late, and Rhy was already restless when the loudspeaker called their flight number. He got to his feet and took her arm, and suddenly gave her a whimsical smile.

Since the 'chick got the email at work, y'all are just lucky that she keeps a book in her desk drawer in case the innernets are down during lunch - that way she'll still have something to read.

The excerpt above came from "An Independent Wife" by Linda Howard.

In all honesty, the 'chick has read no more than the cover and the blurb on the back - no pages until now have been read. Judging from what she just read while typing it onto the blog - that may be all that is read.

It did get a little more interesting just a line or two down, so for your amusement, the 'chick will include those here:

"Those are some spikes you're wearing," he commented. "You come up to my chin...almost."
"They're also dangerous weapons," she said, her mouth curving.

"Anyone care to take a guess at what happens next?" asked the 'chick, with a knowing leer.

Hmmm..maybe a little contest, y'all. Feeling up to it? Got your game on? Using the lines that came from the book, finish up what YOU think happened. The best entry (not necessarily the one closest to what actually does happen) will win the 'chick's copy of this monstrosity and another little giftage that has yet to be determined and will be a BIG SURPRISE! In addition, because y'all know that you really, really want it - the 'chick will autograph the book for the lucky winner.

"That is surely worth the entry!" she said, smiling at the paparazzi.

Deadline for entries will be Sunday, October 1, 2006 at 5:00 p.m. Central Time. Please do not post your entry to the comments - email it to:

talk2roadchick AT yahoo DOT com

"Get busy," she said, rubbing her hands together in anticipation, "and the winning entry will be posted for all the innernets to see!"

And lest you think the 'chick forgot:

Donkey, dahlin',
Pacian, love,
Tinker, honey

TAG - you're it!

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Daydreams About Night Things

In the middle of the afternoon.

(How appropriate that those are lyrics from Mr. Ronnie Milsap - one of the two admitted star crushes that the 'chick has.)

Some days, the 'chick wanders the web. Just wandering, following links, seeing where it takes her. Sometimes it's because of something in a post that she decided she wanted to know more about. Sometimes, the writer even includes a handy link to take you to the place that they mentioned, to see what sparked their interest and ultimately, led to an entry.

Today was one of those days.

The 'chick was reading Crazy Aunt Purl's entry about sharing pictures of where people like to knit. She was inspired to do this because of this entry, asking for people to send pictures of their beds.

Where on earth is Roadchick going with this, you ask? Well, she's going to tell you.

The entry about "sharing beds" got the 'chick to thinking about, well, sharing a bed. (No, not like that, although that certainly does happen - the 'chick does not have her head in the sand like an ostrich.)

It occurred to the 'chick that sharing a bed with someone is one of the most intimate things that you could possibly do. Why? Aside from the sex thing, that is?

Because when you're sleeping, you're vulnerable. You're unconscious and unaware. You are exposed. (No, not nekkid, not necessarily.) By exposed, the 'chick means that you can't suck in your stomach or check to see if you've got morning breath or that your hair is perfect. You just . . . are, in all your glory, or lack of glory.

To Roadchick, sharing a bed with someone, actually sleeping with someone, takes a higher level of trust than a roll in the hay. After a roll in the hay, you can make a mad dash for the bathroom to wipe off the smeared eyeliner or do a shot of Scope. You are aware.

With the right someone, sharing a bed can make everything right in the world. It is your safe place. It's where you can curl up and watch TV or read or snuggle and just be.

With the wrong someone, it's an anxiety attack wrapped in Egyptian cotton sheets. The pressure is on. Do you snore? Kick? Steal the covers? Are you less than perfect??? Answer yes on any of those counts and it will be discovered. There is no hiding.

Not even in the dark.

So here's to the ones that accept us for who we are: the good, the bad, and the ugly. Because, honey, you might not think so, but at 4:30 in the morning - we're all ugly.

Monday, September 25, 2006

The Jackass Highway Blues

Over the weekend, the 'chick spent a fair amount of time on the road. This is not unusual. What was unusual was the things to be seen while on the road. Yesterday afternoon, the 'chick was headed into the city and noticed a loaf of bread lying by the side of the road. Hmmm. Interesting. A little further on, there was a package of hot dog buns by the side of the road. Hmmm. Odd. A little beyond that was a package of brown & serve rolls. Hmmm. This is getting weird.

Y'all, how do you manage to lose bread products from your vehicle at regular intervals and not notice? Or, if you're doing it intentionally - why? Why throw carbohydrates right out the window? Why?

These are the things that make the 'chick wonder.

A little later on, the 'chick was turning onto an on-ramp to get back onto the interstate. There was a pickup truck hauling a trailer in front of her. On the trailer was a large, professional-type riding lawnmower. When the truck and trailer hit a bump, combined with the curve of the ramp, the lawnmower very gracefully launched itself into the air and off the trailer, bounced twice, and slammed into the guardrail. If Roadchick had been following any closer, it would have bounced right onto the hood of her car. Yikes.

Redneck and the 'chick went to the movies on Saturday night and saw Jackass, Number Two. This was Redneck's choice and Roadchick went along in the spirit of being a good sport since Redneck was very kind to Roadchick after she was food poisoned by eating bad Mexican (although it was delicious).

Anyway. Before straying too far into the land of TMI. . .

Redneck and Roadchick got their tickets and headed for the theater. The manager-lady was angry that the ticket boy had let Roadchick and Redneck back toward the theater before she deemed it was time. She also had a police officer stationed at the door to the theather to make sure that everyone going in had a ticket for that movie and to check IDs on those that seemed a bit...young.

Now. The 'chick understands the reasoning behind all of this, but it made for a rather cold and impersonal atmosphere.

When it was the 'chick's turn at the head of the line, she showed the police officer her ticket and he waved her in. Redneck was right behind her. The manager-lady screeched at the police officer that HE NEEDED TO LOOK AT REDNECK'S TICKET TOO! Apparently, Mr. Police Officer wasn't nearly as impressed with her authority as she was because he just looked at manager-lady and said, "Yeah, I saw it." Which he hadn't, but it was pretty obvious that Redneck and Roadchick were there together and it was also pretty apparent that neither Redneck nor Roadchick were going to be scamming the Megaloploplex out of their $8.50 for all that Jackass goodness.

What? You want a review of the movie? Well, it was all right. There were parts that had the 'chick cracking up but there were also parts that had her covering her eyes and wishing she could not hear what was going on. Not so big on the vomiting/bodily fluids parts of the movie. Ewww.

If you are male, go. You will enjoy it. Every last minute.

If you are female, consider carefully. This is not a movie for females. This is a movie for males. If your male deserves a reward for something and wants you to go, do - there is enough funny to make up for the gross. Otherwise, watch the DVD when some male brings it home.

The 'chick has to wonder though, about the Jackass crew. Why? Why do you do those things? Why do you do them when you know it's going to hurt? Or make you throw up? Why? Why is showing your butt considered high humor? Why do you tattoo or brand things onto your body that you can't get rid of? Why?

(Note to Patient Reader: The 'chick has nothing against tattoos or even brands per se...what she doesn't understand is why you would let someone put something on you that you didn't choose, is not aesthetically pleasing, and might just label you a Jackass???)

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Sunday Scribblings: Instructions

Image from

Anyone that has ever had to write instructions knows that more often than not, this is how they are perceived by those reading them later. Slightly foreign, almost making sense, but not quite.

It's difficult breaking a task down into sensible, manageable parts. No matter how carefully you proofread, there's always some important component missing. It's always the thing that is common sense, at least to the one doing the writing. It's the part of the task that is automatic.

The 'chick does a fair amount of technical writing for her job. For some unknown reason, her directors thought that she would be the ideal person to write a training manual for new case managers. (Let's all pause now, and shudder at the thought.)

The size of the task is horrific. How on earth do you put into writing all the things that you just know to do instinctively? How do you make sure that everything that is really important is covered? To be honest, the 'chick does not know.

To begin, the 'chick sat down and started a outline-y sort of list, trying to think of where to begin, what to cover, and what to leave out. It's the leaving out part that is the most difficult. What if you leave out something that could be vital? But how to make it manageable for people to read? More importantly, how to make it at least somewhat interesting, so that people will read it?

After a few days of fiddling and tweaking and having panic attacks in the breakroom, it looked like the list was at least somewhat complete. The informational sections are not so bad but the instructions make the 'chick want to cry or stay home in bed, watching Oprah.

How to fill out a support note? Well, you just do. Somehow, that didn't seem to be quite . . . sufficient. But translating instinct into steps is hard, people. Darn hard.

So, the 'chick started trying to pay attention to what she was doing when she did it. And writing little steps along the way. This was enormously frustrating. She has no patience. None. And it slowed her down.

Next, the 'chick tried to con other co-workers into telling her how they did it so she could take notes on the process. That - not so successful. It was becoming apparent that everyone does this differently. And that's ok, but not helpful.

Finally, the 'chick took the coward's way out and moved on to the next information section and the next and the next. The procrastinator's way out.

Is there a happy ending to this tale? Well, no. The manual continues on with lots of information but precious few instructions. Those will be completed last of all, when there is nothing else the 'chick can possibly add to anything else.

What the 'chick needs is instructions on writing instructions.

Any takers???

Tuesday, September 19, 2006


This day has the 'chick talking like a pirate after all.

Y'all, the 'chick is losing her mind. More specifically, she has lost a roll of pictures that she went to the trouble of taking, developing, having put on a photo CD, paying for, picking up and even using some the early summer posts about Fayetteville, TN.

Gone. Gone. Gone.

Now, who on earth would want that???

Patient Reader, you're asking why the 'chick wants them. The reason is this: the 'chick bought a shiny new photo album and has arranged the other two rolls of pictures that she has taken. She has used the memo lines to date & caption where the picture was taken for posterity.


The 'chick is notoriously bad about doing anything at all with her pictures but with these three rolls of film, she has made a concerted effort to do better. She was doing better. UNTIL SHE LOST THE %&*# ENVELOPE.


So unlike the 'chick.

Thieves! That must be it. Photo pirates.

Just humor the Roadchick and hopefully (hopefully) no one will get keelhauled.


Now We Are Six

On the lunch menu today: Chef Boyardee Spaghetti Rings with Meatballs. Why, you ask? Roadchick asked the same thing and came to this conclusion:
1) She is much too lazy to leave the office to get something to eat.
2) She is much too lazy to make an edible lunch like peanut butter and jelly.
3) For some unknown reason, Roadchick's mom gave her TWO cans of the aforementioned lunch item, so it was free.

No, Patient Reader, it was not a BIT good. It was not even close to being good.

There has been some tweaking of the sidebar. Have a look-round & check out some of the links. These are the best o' the best, in Roadchick's humble opinion. These are the folks that keep the 'chick amused when she should be working. Or writing. Or doing anything except reading.

If you're a knitter or crocheter, please check the link to Grandma Purl - they're accepting donations of squares for a blanket (or blankets, should there be that many) for Crazy Aunt Purl's granny who has been in poor health. A good cause, y'all.

Things that make you go "Awwww":

  • Redneck brought roses to Roadchick at work for their 1 month anniversary. Roses are an automatic "Awwww" but being brave enough to enter an office full of curious women while bearing roses definitely earns him one.
  • Roadchick, as she gets older and older, is apparently falling apart. (No, that is not the "Awwww" moment.) It was raining yesterday afternoon. When Roadchick went into Redneck's house, her wet feet made her slip and twist her back. So, hobbling like a crone. Redneck made Roadchick sit on the couch with her feet up, fetched a heating pad and Advil, and took care of dinner. Awwww!
  • Rockboy, because he is cute as the dickens, even at 17, makes Roadchick go "Awwww". At the Fair on Saturday night, he informed his girlfriend that it was time to hang out with mom now, because "Mom is cool". Awwww!


    In knitting news: the baby blanket that the 'chick is working on for a co-worker has hit a snag. For some unknown reason, the 'chick managed to reverse the pattern that she was working on and there will be some ripping back to be done. Urk. The 'chick hates frogging (so called because you must 'rip it, rip it') not because she hates to undo her work...she's a perfectionist with a high level of obsessive-compulsive disorder....but because it's so fiddly to get a project back on the needles without dropping stitches and cursing like a sailor. Considering the state of her back, a Lortab may soothe her enough to make the job manageable. She will be Zen-like in her tranquility. Hah.


    Today be Talk Like A Pirate Day. No, this entry is obviously not in pirate-ese. The 'chick has enough trouble without translating what she does manage into another dialect. But, y'all feel free. Arrrrr & all that.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

State Fair

Is there anything better than going to the State Fair? Roadchick submits that there is not.

The 'chick is a slave to tradition and going to the State Fair is a tradition in the Roadchick household.

Redneck, Rockboy, and Rockboy's girlfriend loaded up and headed out for a day at the Fair. There is a certain order that must be preserved when attending the Fair.

For Roadchick, the first order of business is always to go into the exhibition buildings to inspect the handcrafts. In years past, the knitting display was always a sad disappointment and not a little amusing. It allowed Roadchick the chance to be smug: "That won a blue ribbon??? Oh please, the 'chick has something better than that on her needles right now." No longer - there were beautiful things displayed and the 'chick was in awe of the skill and time invested.

Roadchick's friend, Sheila, had several entries and was a winner. Congratulations, Sheila!

Pictures are shamelessly stolen from Sheila since the 'chick's photo service is unable to produce a photo CD today.

After inspecting everything in the Creative Arts building, Roadchick and Redneck headed off to the animal barns. The 'chick has a confession - she adores the cows. Who knows why? She just does. Redneck and Roadchick looked at cows and sheep and goats and rabbits and chickens and geese. Redneck stepped in a pile of goat poop which amused the 'chick to no end. Roadchick informed Redneck that she really, really needed a cow. Redneck informed Roadchick that she really, really needed to have her head examined for possible defects because she has no where to keep a cow.

Redneck and Roadchick saw a pumpkin big enough to sit in. It set the new state record and the 'chick took a picture of it for posterity. Once she finally gets her photo CD, she'll add the picture in. It was amazing.

But really, y'all know, the main reason for going to the Fair is to eat. Roadchick ate roasted sweet corn and part of a corn dog that Redneck was kind enough to share with her, and chicken on a stick and a funnel cake and had fresh squeezed lemonade and almost had a deep fried Snickers bar, but had to admit that she was full as a tick and couldn't actually eat it, even though she wanted to.

Redneck insisted that a trip to the Fair was not complete unless rides were ridden. Considering the amount of food that the 'chick had just consumed, she had to choose wisely when it came to riding rides. After careful consideration, the Skywheel was chosen. The Skywheel is a double ferris wheel with just enough speed to give you the giggles but not enough speed or flippiness to make you lose your corndogs. Plus, it had the added benefit of a short line. Roadchick hates standing in line so that was a main selling point.

Redneck and Roadchick rode it twice due to a happy accident. The first time they got on, the man didn't take the tickets, so - free ride! Yay! And it was so much fun that they did it again almost as soon as they got off the first time. Well, that, and laziness in seeking out another ride with a short line.

Roadchick loves the clown in the dunk tank. He is so socially offensive that it's funny. Lines overheard:

"Boy, this is the State Fair, not the Welfare."
"Save your money and buy a clean tshirt."
"Hey, Tiger Woods called and wants his shirt back." - to a guy in a polo shirt

There were so many people there that it was amazing. The news has stories every year about all the gang activity going on at the Fair, and while it's probably true, the 'chick has to say that she didn't see it. Everyone got along and had fun and it didn't matter if you were Black, White, Latino, Middle Eastern, Asian, Redneck, or Uptown - it was the Fair - and it was.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Happy HUMP Day!

Ah Wednesday, the day of promise and hope in the middle of the week. Wednesday is infinitely better than Tuesday and aeons better than Monday could ever hope to be.

Today, the 'chick will be desperately trying to regain her productivity and may actually get some work done. That would be a nice change, wouldn't it? Her bosses definitely think so.

On the up side, while it is not any warmer in the office today, the 'chick is better prepared for the cold since she came to work basically dressed in her pajamas. (Days when the bosses are in Jackson or Memphis are happy days around here.) What do work pajamas look like, you ask? For the 'chick they consist of: black tshirt-knit drawstring pants that are actually Joe Boxer men's pj bottoms, if she's being honest and she is...a lime green tshirt layered over a white tshirt and flip-flops. Over this lovely ensemble, there is a black & white track jacket for warmth.

In all fairness, Roadchick did warn people that she fully intended on wearing pajamas to work today. She left the furry slippers at home although given the temperature indoors, she is beginning to wish that she had them here.

There are two plans to be typed and as each of them average around 25 pages, it will take just a little minute to knock those out, especially since they have to be written. If it was just typing, well, that is easy. It's the creativeness that wears on the 'chick, y'all. The constant outpouring of prose. Hee.

There are two different plans that need to have letters requesting information sent out to various agencies. This is a slightly horrible task because it involves excavating the chart to see what is actually missing. Ugh. The 'chick hates information gathering. She's lazy.

And, there are four support notes to be completed on four different people in addition to logging the eleventy-four emails that have come and gone on other people regarding a variety of other things. The 'chick is a documenting bitch. Want to know when someone said something? Ask the 'chick. Want to know when a funding request was submitted to the state? Ask the 'chick.

The different agencies that Roadchick works with already know this about her. The Gret Stet of Tennessee knows this about her. The new agencies that have not worked with her yet do not know this about her. Or they do know, but don't believe. It usually takes exactly one time of going up against the 'chick's documentation and power of recall to drive home the point. What point, Patient Reader? That Roadchick will absolutely put the smackdown on any agency that tries to mess around with one of her folks.

Now that you know what the 'chick needs to be doing today, perhaps you are wondering what on earth it is that she actually does besides talk about work while apparently accomplishing none.

Roadchick is a case manager for mentally retarded and developmentally disabled adults and children in Tennessee. The agency that she works for contracts with the state to provide this service. The 'chick does home visits and site visits and community visits and requests funding for services from the state as well as writing the massive annual plan (see above) that is obviously, updated annually. On top of managing everyone's lives for them (and doing very well at it) she is also the Quality Assurance and Training Coordinator for her agency. (Again, managing everyone's lives and getting PAID for it.)

Speaking of working and getting paid...perhaps she ought to give it a try.

Happy HUMP Day, y'all!

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Roadchick and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Day

Y'all, it's just been one of "those" days. (Although nothing really horrible happened. Roadchick exaggerates sometimes. No, really.)

What does one of "those" days look like in the life of Roadchick? Well, just let the 'chick tell you all about it. (You knew that she would anyway...)

First of all, it's Tuesday which is much too far from Friday for any hope. It's DAYS away from Friday. Not even a little sniff of Friday to lead you onward. It's Tuesday.

Second of all, the 'chick did not get home until 11:00 last night because she was with Redneck. Now, before you jump to any sort of conclusions - you are WRONG. It was WWE Monday Night Raw Wrestling night. At Skaterboy's request. 11:00 is not so very late, you are saying, and usually, Patient Reader, you would be right. However, (isn't there always a however in these stories???) last night, 11:00 was much too late for the 'chick because...she left Redneck's house at 9:00 last night. She had to pick up Rockboy and his friend from band practice at a house so far off the interstate that it's entirely possible it was in a different time zone or possibly even on another continent. Have you done the math, people? That is 2 hours. 2 hours in the car on a MONDAY night. Ugh. 1 hour of it spent with surly, tired, smelly teenaged boys. (Actually, they were not really surly although they were tired and smelly. Roadchick was the surly one in the car.)

So, back to Tuesday. The 'chick had to get up at 5:30, which is standard getting up time in her world. But, ugh. It was raining. Rainy days are days to stay in bed and nap and watch TV and knit. Not days to get up and get ready for work.

Then there was the morning clothes dilemma. Most of the time, this is not an issue but on the days when it is an issue, the 'chick's bedroom and closet look like Filene's Basement after the $1.99 wedding dress sale before she finally manages to emerged fully clothed. Oy vey! It was one of those mornings. She had decided on a skirt, then promptly forgot which skirt she had decided on and pulled the wrong one out and stood looking at it like it was from Mars. Then realized that it was NOT the skirt o' the day and put it back. (She was still hanging things up at this point.) The correct skirt was retrieved and put on. Now, to find a top. Yeah, right. Any guesses on how many blouses, sweaters, t-shirts, and tops were tried? Any guesses at all? Roadchick will have to double check when she gets home but it seems to be around seven. SEVEN. That is flat ridiculous, y'all. Stupid ridiculous.

It was staff meeting day at work. Staff meeting day with a baby shower thrown in for added torture. Y'all know how the 'chick feels about baby showers but at least this one did not involve dirty diaper nametags. Staff meeting day is a guarantee that nothing else productive will happen in the 'chick's office for the rest of the day. Hence, this post. At least it sounds like she is busy working when in reality she's desperately trying to digest lunch and a whopping slice of fresh strawberry baby shower cake. No food tonight. None. Maybe just a refreshing glass of Alka Seltzer.

And, it's cold in here. Freezing cold. See your breath cold. So cold that it's agony, really. Add that in with the rain and it's miserable. But, also funny because with the temperature / humidity differential, the windows are fogged up like a Waffle House at 3:00 a.m. That's when you hope that your space heater is working and hasn't been stolen by another freezing co-worker.

But now, at least it's almost time to go home. Home to put on pajamas, snuggle into the couch and knit for awhile. Rockstar:Supernova is on tonight and the 'chick is addicted to that. Go Dilana!!! And maybe, just maybe, a visit from Redneck. Good things await . . . only 20 minutes away.

Sunday, September 10, 2006


During the past few weeks, there have been a lot of television shows talking about the tragedy of 9/11 as we come to the fifth anniversary of the incident.

Roadchick, being a documentary junkie, has watched several. (This is due in large part to the fact that Redneck has satellite TV while Roadchick does not.) Redneck watched with the 'chick and handed over tissues when necessary and talked to her about what happened.

The one on the Discovery Channel was watched twice since it was on twice. Most of it was a dramatization to show what was happening inside the Twin Towers as events unfolded. One man (still living, thank heaven!) told of watching the plane approach at eye level and crash into the building. As the plane approached, he hid beneath his desk and was trapped in the rubble. He was amazed that he was still alive to call for help.

What troubled the 'chick was that there were thousands of people inside both towers and most of them had to be told to evacuate. To get themselves outside. They waited to be told what to do.

Roadchick and Redneck discussed this in depth. She understands that most people were in shock although at the time they did not realize exactly what had happened. She knows that the building announcement system instructed workers to remain at their desks.

But, the 'chick also thinks that she would have hopefully had the presence of mind to start walking her ass down the stairs when she saw burning debris floating past the windows and smoke was coming through the ventilation units. When 911 had a "system busy" message and you could not get through.

Redneck said that he thought it might be that people, especially those used to living in the city, get too used to being told what to do, when to do it, and how. That people are afraid to do for themselves sometimes, since it seems safer to let others take care of it for you.

This is not really the direction that the 'chick was going in when she started typing, but so be it.

The biggest thing that the 'chick does not understand is a hatred so strong that it could be channelled to kill thousands. Americans, Chinese, Japanese, Iranians, Iraqis, English, French and any number of other nationalities and religions that inhabited the World Trade Centers.

It made a point.

Maybe it's the feminine side of Roadchick that doesn't get it. She doesn't always agree with what others think or believe, but she does honor their right to that belief. It's all right to have your own values but it's not all right to force them on others or to be so threatened by their values that it gives you the right to destroy lives.

The 'chick has been seeing this bumpersticker around lately. She's thinking of ordering one. It may not change minds, but it may make someone think.

Order yours here.

Rest in peace. You are not forgotten.

Sunday Scribblings: Roadchick would never write . . .

The 'chick put a little bit of thought into this, but not much. Laziness, you say? Partially. But the reality of what the 'chick writes, what makes it uniquely hers is that she writes what interests her.

What you see here is almost a direct window into the 'chick's mind. Depending on where she is at that point, you could get humor, self-help, romance, history, poetry, sci-fi, and even horror. There are times you might get recipes, cooking tips, organizational helps, or a to-do list.

Roadchick does write a little bit of fiction, but that is not what this blog is about. This blog is the style that is the most comfortable to her right now. For the moment, it entertains the 'chick to refer to herself in the third person. Sometimes it makes it easier to tell the harder things or to mock herself. When it ceases to amuse, then you will get first person.

There is another reason for third person though. It wasn't why it started, but it is why it continued. When the 'chick is going about her workaday life, going to work, cooking dinner, washing clothes, etc. at the back of her mind she is always watching to see if there is anything worth writing about. Where is the humor? Where is the message? Can this mundane task be made interesting enough to be included in the Roadtrip? It's made her more aware. It's made her more present. It's made her live her life more like Roadchick, who, as it turns out, is a pretty intrepid, courageous, vivacious person. It is the alter-ego of the person behind the keyboard. Perhaps it is the true personality of the person behind the keyboard, the one that was hidden out of self-preservation, at least for a time and then didn't know how to come out again. It is the person that she forgot she was.

So, the conclusion that the 'chick came up with was this: Roadchick would never write what she doesn't want to. Even if it did mean stretching her talent and ability because it would be false and it would be boring - boring to write and boring to read.

Friday, September 08, 2006

The Death of a Giant

It was with great sadness that the 'chick read in Pound of the passing of a giant. Marshall Field's department store will be changing over to Macy's this Saturday (9/9). Roadchick heard rumors of this about a year or so ago and panicked. Flat panicked. Relatives still living in the Great North were contacted and dispatched to go collect Marshall Field's swag...and RIGHT NOW!

You see, Patient Reader, Roadchick is a Chicago girl, born and bred. And if you're born and bred in Chicago, Marshall Field's is a presence in your life. You may not go there very often, but it's there, like a security blanket.

As a child, Roadchick was treated to trips Downtown, usually on days when school was closed for teachers' meetings. A Trip Downtown meant getting up early in order to catch the Rock Island train to The Loop.

Sidebar note: Oh, wow, this is making the 'chick nostalgic and misty-eyed. And craving a Chicago-style hot dog.

On the day of the Trip, the 'chick would wake up and be filled with a sense of self-importance. She Was Going To The City. On The Train. Special care would be taken with getting ready, especially when she hit the tween years. After all, it was pretty much guaranteed that someone would mistake the 'chick for a model on her way to a photo shoot, just like those girls in Seventeen magazine. (Did the 'chick ever mention that she had [and still has] a vivid imagination and delusions of grandeur???) This impression of self-sufficiency was marred by the fact that Roadchick's mom was also coming to The City.


The train would pull into the LaSalle Street Station and Roadchick would descend, bag tossed over her shoulder, skin-tight Jordache jeans tucked into the sock/Reebok combination, blonde hair whipping in the wind. SuperStar!

During her day in The City, Roadchick would visit a great many places, but her main destination was ALWAYS Marshall Field's. ALWAYS.

Probably to this day you could blindfold the 'chick and set her down in the State Street store and she would know instantly where she was. There was a scent. And the scent was Marshall Field's.

Lunch was always eaten here. There was an entire floor of restaurants to choose from. Not McDonald's. Not Burger King. There was The Walnut Room. The English Room.

And after lunch and a leisurely tour through the book department, the 'chick would adjourn to the Crystal Palace. The Crystal Palace was an ice cream shoppe (had to put the pretentious extra PE on the end) that was modeled on a 1920s ice cream shoppe. And, was amazing. Delicious. Unbelievable. The 'chick still has a beverage napkin from there tucked into a scrapbook.

But, all good things, even things that have lasted as long as Marshall Field's, must come to an end. All of the Marshall Field's stores will be converted to Macy's as of tomorrow. And the 'chick will mourn. It just won't be the same.

Because is Chicago.

Unless noted otherwise, all images are from Wikipedia. Images are hosted on this blog - don't steal bandwidth!

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Chez Shoney's


It's been that sort of a day.

Blame it on the painkillers.

Blame it on the fact that sometimes it doesn't take much to amuse the 'chick.

Lunch today was at Shoney's, a truly American institution.

Overheard at the salad bar:
"I've come up with a new slogan for Shoney's."
"Really? What is it?"
"Shoney's. Where fat people come to eat."

The 'chick had to walk away, and quickly because just a few moments before that she was looking around at her fellow diners and had silently made the same observation. It's something to do with the All-U-Can-Eat-Buffet at lunch. Not that the 'chick doesn't love her some All-U-Can-Eat from time to time.

Also seen at Shoney's, across the windows:

Chicken Shakes
Tea Salads
Coffee Desserts

Now, the 'chick suspects that these were to be taken separately but, you see, Patient Reader, that is NOT how the 'chick read them at all. Tea salads and coffee desserts might just be all right. Chicken shakes, however - nope, nuh uh, no way. No thanks.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Sunday Scribblings: Fortune Cookie

There was a time in Roadchick's life when she collected the little slips of paper that came encased in fortune cookies. They were taped to her computer monitor as little signposts of wisdom and luck. As time went on and she changed jobs, the slips were taken down and tucked into a box for safekeeping and are still around somewhere.

Right now, there is only one fortune taped to the panel on the 'chick's laptop at work. It reads:

"Your dearest wish will come true."

Can there be any better fortune? Probably not - that is the royal flush of fortunes. The tricky part is - what would her dearest wish be? What if there was only one wish that could come true and none of this wishing for infinite wishes?

It's something that crosses the 'chick's mind from time to time while she's pondering other problems. Sometimes that is the easiest problem to solve. The answer rarely changes.

But then, sometimes, Roadchick wonders what it would take to change her wish from one that is so self-centered. She could wish for world peace. She could wish for an end to world hunger. She could wish for a cure for an incurable disease like HIV/AIDS or cancer or diabetes. She could wish for homes for the homeless, jobs for the unemployed, wisdom for world leaders.

There are the wishes that strike closer to home - that the breast cancer diagnosis that recently came to light for a family member would be a mistake. That Rockboy find a direction and a purpose and a college he's interested in.

And when Roadchick thinks of all the things that she could wish for, she knows that she should be more generous, more magnanimous, more giving. But, she also knows that unless giving up her wish would save Rockboy's life, she would have a very hard time giving up the wish that is so dear to her heart. If giving up her wish for another meant that hers could not come true, she would struggle with it. She likes to think that she would do the right thing, even if it wasn't the right thing for her.

And right now, Patient Reader, the 'chick doesn't know that she could do it and that shames her. So her little fortune from a cookie eaten long ago serves to remind her that she still has work to do - to give more easily with less regard for herself. After all, what if there was only one wish?

Explanations (Excuses) for Lack of Posting

Y'all, the 'chick apologizes for the lack of posting lately...there are several explanations.

First explanation: The Outlaws came back into town on Saturday & were treated to a home-cooked dinner by Roadchick. Also included in this gathering were Rockboy, Redneck, and Roadchick's parents. Fun. Actually, it was fun but any gathering that includes Roadchick's parents tends to stress her out. A LOT. But, everyone appeared to have a good time and no one reported food poisoning, so the evening shall be deemed a success.

Second explanation: Roadchick is just slightly wrapped up in Redneck. A lot of her days off were spent with him and the majority of that time was spent either eating (a LOT) or watching movies because apparently, the 'chick has managed to miss some of the great cinematic works of our time. Redneck was appalled that the 'chick had never seen Pulp Fiction or Leaving Las Vegas or Final Destination 3....just keep adding to the list of things that the 'chick never made time for. The folks at Movie Gallery were starting to snicker after the third trip in as many days.

Third explanation: A migraine from hell. That just goes on and on and on. And bad enough to send the 'chick running for home yesterday afternoon when the original plans called for cooking dinner for Redneck & his son, Skaterboy. And watching Monday Night Wrestling (at Skaterboy's request). And required burrowing into bed with ice packs and orders for no ONE to open the door or to dare make a sound in the house. So, y'all know it was bad. And today, the 'chick is dealing with post-migraine hangover - that horrible hollow-headed feeling that she gets after one of her screamers. And the distinct possibility that there is another migraine to follow because she just has that feeling, ya know? She may be heading for the homestead sooner than expected.

Roadchick did not do the Sunday Scribblings this week although she thought about it. If time and migraines permit, she may post something a little later on.

Hope y'all had a great holiday weekend!