Monday, September 25, 2006

The Jackass Highway Blues

Over the weekend, the 'chick spent a fair amount of time on the road. This is not unusual. What was unusual was the things to be seen while on the road. Yesterday afternoon, the 'chick was headed into the city and noticed a loaf of bread lying by the side of the road. Hmmm. Interesting. A little further on, there was a package of hot dog buns by the side of the road. Hmmm. Odd. A little beyond that was a package of brown & serve rolls. Hmmm. This is getting weird.

Y'all, how do you manage to lose bread products from your vehicle at regular intervals and not notice? Or, if you're doing it intentionally - why? Why throw carbohydrates right out the window? Why?

These are the things that make the 'chick wonder.

A little later on, the 'chick was turning onto an on-ramp to get back onto the interstate. There was a pickup truck hauling a trailer in front of her. On the trailer was a large, professional-type riding lawnmower. When the truck and trailer hit a bump, combined with the curve of the ramp, the lawnmower very gracefully launched itself into the air and off the trailer, bounced twice, and slammed into the guardrail. If Roadchick had been following any closer, it would have bounced right onto the hood of her car. Yikes.

Redneck and the 'chick went to the movies on Saturday night and saw Jackass, Number Two. This was Redneck's choice and Roadchick went along in the spirit of being a good sport since Redneck was very kind to Roadchick after she was food poisoned by eating bad Mexican (although it was delicious).

Anyway. Before straying too far into the land of TMI. . .

Redneck and Roadchick got their tickets and headed for the theater. The manager-lady was angry that the ticket boy had let Roadchick and Redneck back toward the theater before she deemed it was time. She also had a police officer stationed at the door to the theather to make sure that everyone going in had a ticket for that movie and to check IDs on those that seemed a bit...young.

Now. The 'chick understands the reasoning behind all of this, but it made for a rather cold and impersonal atmosphere.

When it was the 'chick's turn at the head of the line, she showed the police officer her ticket and he waved her in. Redneck was right behind her. The manager-lady screeched at the police officer that HE NEEDED TO LOOK AT REDNECK'S TICKET TOO! Apparently, Mr. Police Officer wasn't nearly as impressed with her authority as she was because he just looked at manager-lady and said, "Yeah, I saw it." Which he hadn't, but it was pretty obvious that Redneck and Roadchick were there together and it was also pretty apparent that neither Redneck nor Roadchick were going to be scamming the Megaloploplex out of their $8.50 for all that Jackass goodness.

What? You want a review of the movie? Well, it was all right. There were parts that had the 'chick cracking up but there were also parts that had her covering her eyes and wishing she could not hear what was going on. Not so big on the vomiting/bodily fluids parts of the movie. Ewww.

If you are male, go. You will enjoy it. Every last minute.

If you are female, consider carefully. This is not a movie for females. This is a movie for males. If your male deserves a reward for something and wants you to go, do - there is enough funny to make up for the gross. Otherwise, watch the DVD when some male brings it home.

The 'chick has to wonder though, about the Jackass crew. Why? Why do you do those things? Why do you do them when you know it's going to hurt? Or make you throw up? Why? Why is showing your butt considered high humor? Why do you tattoo or brand things onto your body that you can't get rid of? Why?

(Note to Patient Reader: The 'chick has nothing against tattoos or even brands per se...what she doesn't understand is why you would let someone put something on you that you didn't choose, is not aesthetically pleasing, and might just label you a Jackass???)