Tuesday, June 24, 2008

At Odds

This morning, on the way to work, the 'chick was stopped at a red light coming off the interstate.

At this particular exit, the homeless tend to hang out from time to time, holding up signs.

The man this morning was dressed neatly and was holding a sign that said: "Please help if you can. God bless."

As the 'chick sat and waited for the light to change, the man stood up and walked away. When he was a little way down the sidewalk, he threw the sign down in the grass and kept going.

This has bothered the 'chick since she saw it - the throwing down of the sign, maybe because it was at such odds with the nice, polite message on the front. Kind of like, if you'll help me, bless you. If you won't (or can't), fuck you, AND, feel free to pick up my trash.

Monday, June 16, 2008

But, Of Course!

Please excuse this meme-break in the yearbook action. The 'chick wasn't up to shuffling through dusty yearbooks over the weekend.

In the meantime (shamelessly stolen from Susan):

You are The Star

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Star is one of the great cards of faith, dreams realised

The Star is a card that looks to the future. It does not predict any immediate or powerful change, but it does predict hope and healing. This card suggests clarity of vision, spiritual insight. And, most importantly, that unexpected help will be coming, with water to quench your thirst, with a guiding light to the future. They might say you're a dreamer, but you're not the only one.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

We're So Great, Can't You See

Coz we're the Class of '83

8th grade:

From a BFF(?): "It was a blast this year and being best friends for awhile. Sorry it couldn't work out. I can't say I'll miss you since I see you at Provi all the time. It was cool writing about Jerry and Petey on all our folders all the time. Well have a good summer and I'll have to take you to the club to meet Jeanne sometime."

We were actually BFFs for two more years into high school. Jerry and Petey were two neighborhood burnouts that we ragged mercilessly. Jerry had a severe southern accent (and this was in Northern Illinois) and we called him 'Lil Georgia Peach' which just really pissed him off. Petey was a year or so older than us and was always trying to get one (or both) of us to go off into the woods with him. As IF!

- And - does this not start out like she's totally breaking up with the 'chick??? WTF?

From a stalker-like girl who wanted to be friends: "It was fun being in your homeroom. Hope to see ya a lot at the ball field. We'll watch Nick together."

Nick did NOT know we even existed. He was almost ready to graduate high school. He may have noticed the 'chick because she had bodacious tatas even at 13, but not being the cradle-robbing sort, he did not speak to us.

From the burnout of '82 who called the 'chick an omelette: "Will you feed the horse?"

Apparently, this young friend had been shooting horse.

From the narc of '82: "I'm sooo glad that we became better buds this year (even though we had our tiffs) & it's a DA_N shame that you're going to Provi. I hope that we see each other in Beverly Hills when you're Mrs. Robert Lowe & I'm Mrs. C. Thomas Howell, otay? Buds forever!"

Ah yes, The Outsiders. ~swoon~ The 'chick can still recite that poem:
Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold
Her early leaf's a flower
But only so an hour.
So leaf subsides to leaf
So Eden sank to grief
So dawn goes down to day
Nothing gold can stay.
- Robert Frost
Stay gold, Ponyboy!
(Please excuse the 'chick while she gets a tissue.)

From an 8th grade stud: "Don't forget me, I know it's hard."

Who the hell was he?

From ANOTHER BFF: "Ello! You're a true fiend. You and Laura are my best buds. I wish you were going to L-Way. I'm really gonna miss ya. We've had a blast in 8th and in 7th while we were partners. I'm glad we've grown to be such close friends. I'll never forget you, hon. Hey, I'm really sorry if I hurt your bod, but I mean it could have happened to anyone!! None of it was intentional (whatever). If you never speak to me again I'll understand. I truly will. Well, we'll have to go somewhere over the summer so we can reminacese. See ya bud! Keep in touch because a life without me is a life without guys. What could you do without them."

We were science partners in 8th grade chemistry. We regularly tried to set fire to things and toasted marshmallows in our alcohol burner. The 'chick cannot remember what the girl did to hurt her bod. . .no doubt in gym class or science. No telling.

From ANOTHER burnout: "Don't start my bod hobbits mon, because they can really screw you up. So have fun over the summer and party hard! Good luck with the guys!"

Ok, so don't start your bad habits (getting high/drinking) but party hard over the summer. Oxymoron, anyone?

And over and over and over again, there were references to the fact that at least the 'chick would no longer have to be worried about hanging from the chandelier. Since the 'chick could not remember EVER actually hanging from a chandelier, she had to think about this one for a little while and then she remembered. There was a language arts teacher who did not particularly enjoy young teens and their shenanigans. The 'chick was excellent at shenanigans. When the 'chick would instigate shenanigans, this particular teacher would threaten to hang the 'chick and her compatriots from the nearest handy chandelier. What annoyed the battle axe even more is that the 'chick was excellent at language arts so she could not be flunked.

In the next episode, we will delve into the dark world of high school yearbooks. There is some seriously hot gossip in there, darlings.

Stay sweet!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Time Trippin'

While cleaning out a closet, the 'chick ran across a stack of her old yearbooks. Remember when you couldn't wait to get your yearbook and have everyone sign it?

Let's blow the dust off and crack the cover, shall we?

This one is from the 7th grade, in 1982.

(All typos are exactly as written in blue Bic ink.)

From the captain of the volleyball team: "I'm glad we became good freinds. Too bad I won't see you next year. I call you and maybe come over. F/F (friends forever)"

From the 7th grade sex god whose last name was House: "Stay cool over the summer. If you want to keep your family small, stay away from Houses."

From a burn-out: "You remind me of an omellette! Just kidding!" (WTF? That still doesn't make sense.)

From a BFF: "Beware of boys with eyes of brown, they'll kiss you once then strip you down! Sorry I narced! P.S. Good luck with you-know-who!" (Who the hell was you-know-who? Someone that the 'chick was sure she would NEVER forget. . . and can't remember now. And what did the BFF narc about? Probably something that landed the 'chick in detention, no doubt.)

Proving the 'chick's stalker tendencies started early: "Hi! What's up? Mabey I'll see you in Cherry Hill some day! You drive me crazy sometimes but have a nice summer anyway! WITHOUT CALLING EVERY NIGHT!!! Ha Just Kidding! but don't anyway!"

And again: "It was fun in lunch and don't forget to be mean to Kim! She's dead! Stay nice as you are & hope your in other classes next year." (Who was Kim? Why did we want her dead? Did she narc? What was the narcing about? Damn!)

And hung around with stalkers: "Have fun over the summer and say hi to your brother with the earring for me!"

And more haters: "I do not even like Dawn R." with an arrow pointing to a weird, ugly bird used as a trademark by the yearbook company. (Apparently, he really did NOT like Dawn R.)

Referring to parties, possibly: "Don't puke on your bedsheets." (This could explain the memory lapses.)

Everyone wanted to be "Friends Forever" and wished the 'chick "Good Luck with the Boys!". Everyone wanted to hang out over the summer and wrote down phone numbers.

God, we thought we were SO grown and when the 'chick looked through the pictures, we were such infants with NO idea what the world was really like. We actually thought we would be BFFs and F/Fs and stay sweet and keep in touch.

Since there is still a stack of yearbooks yet to go, stay tuned for another installment of the BFF files.

Monday, June 09, 2008

Weekend Update

So, camping.

Redneck was in NO hurry to get to the campsite. Roadchick, however, was in a hurry to get to the campsite because, camping! fun! swimming! hot dogs! beer! But Redneck was all heat! humidity! blazing sunshine! bugs! In the end, Redneck won and after a massive shopping trip at Walmart, the Roadie crew finally made their way to the campsite around 6 pm.

When they got there, Redneck parked the truck down by the river and the Roadie crew got out and talked to everyone that had been there all day. After much chat, Redneck and Roadchick decided it was time to put up the tent. Since Roadchick doesn't have a lot of experience (any) putting up tents, she was the helper. The tarp was spread under the trees and Redneck laid out the tent. The poles were threaded through the channels and the tent rose from the ground. And sagged. Like an old woman's boobs. After much fiddling and a conference with other experienced campers, it was determined that the poles were not the correct poles for the tent. Another trip to Walmart was in order. Redneck brought back another tent and it went up without a hitch. He threw the air mattress inside and hooked up the little rechargeable pump to inflate the mattress. It worked like a charm - for 15 seconds, then promptly died and the mattress deflated. Redneck and Roadchick looked at each other and shrugged.

Skaterboy had a great time tubing in the river while Redneck and Roadchick had gone back to Walmart for the tent. By the time the new tent was set up, it was getting too dark to get in the river. Too dark, you ask? Yes. There are snakes in the river. Some poisonous, some not. While the 'chick is not afraid of snakes, she would like to see them coming. So, everyone hung around the campfire for a little while and then Redneck, Roadchick, and Cousin Too-Hottie went fishing. Redneck caught a couple of catfish that he released again. Too-Hottie caught hell from his girlfriend for fishing instead of smooching around the campfire with her. Roadchick caught a chill from sitting out in the damp after being overheated for half the day.

Back to the campfire for a few more hours until finally Roadchick decided it was time for bed. On the hard, hard ground. Skaterboy was woken up and dragged from his lounge chair by the fire and herded to the tent. He crawled inside on the left and promptly fell asleep again. (Oh, to be 10 again!) Redneck crawled inside and thought he was going to sleep on the right until Roadchick informed him that it was his son that kicked like a mule and she wasn't sleeping in the middle. Redneck grumbled but moved over, figuring that since there was no air mattress, he'd better smooth things over as best he could. Roadchick crawled inside and tried to get part of the sheet under her to cover the plastic (flat) air mattress and rolled up in a beach towel (damp) and snuggled against Redneck in the hopes of absorbing his body heat since he wasn't cold at all.

There was a lump under the 'chick. There were rocks under Redneck. And, as it turns out, there was part of a tree root (sticking up) under Skaterboy, but since he is a contortionist, he curled around it and it didn't bother him at all. The cows in the next pasture mooed around from time to time which was ok, in fact, kind of soothing. The crickets were chirping. The frogs were croaking. The cousin in the tent next door was snoring like a fucking freight train. If the 'chick had not been so tired, she would've gone over there and smothered him with a pillow.

It was a long, long night. Towards dawn, the 'chick could hear coyotes howling in the distance. When the coyotes would start up, the jackass (seriously, a jackass, not a cousin) would start braying. Then the birds woke up and started singing and that was when the 'chick decided enough was enough and got up. Redneck (who was also awake) asked where she was going. She told him that she was going anywhere that she didn't have to lay on the hard, hard ground rolled up in a damp towel.

It heats up quickly in Tennessee, especially on a gravel beach next to a river. Redneck had thought ahead and brought a camp coffee pot and made coffee for the 'chick, which was much appreciated. After a few hours, everyone else was up and moving and the Roadie crew started breaking down the tent and packing everything up again.

As a farewell gesture, Redneck drove his 4-wheel drive truck into the river. Not straight in - just a glancing blow, to shower everyone with water. As gestures go, it was spectacular. Until the truck sank into the mud of the riverbed. When Redneck opened the door on his side of the truck, the river promptly began to enter the truck. Roadchick and Skaterboy promptly bailed out on the other side and stood on the riverbank watching. After much macho fooling around by Redneck and the male cousins, the truck was pulled out by another truck with a tow chain.

And, since you have read this far, Patient Reader, you will be glad to know this: the 'chick peed outdoors and did not once have to wash her shoes in the river.

Disclaimer: the photo above, while amazingly accurate to the situation, does not contain any of the Roadie crew.

Friday, June 06, 2008

Did Someone Say Bandwagon?

So, the 'chick stole this from Fringes, who stole it from Moo, who stole it from . . . blah blah blah. Go look. It's worth a few clickitys but NOT before you check it out here!

The rules:
a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s mosaic maker.

The questions that inspired the photos:
1. What is your first name? Cynthia
2. What is your favorite food? Cherries
3. What high school did you go to? Providence
4. What is your favorite color? Blue
5. Who is your celebrity crush? Kid Rock
6. Favorite drink? Dirty Martinis
7. Dream vacation? Traveling Route 66
8. Favorite dessert? Chocolate-dipped strawberries
9. What you want to be when you grow up? A photographer
10. What do you love most in life? Love
11. One word to describe you. Smart(ass)
12. Your flickr name. Roadchick (what else?)

The 'chick's mosaic:

You can also visit the 'chick's Flickr page for a larger view - click on the Flickr link in the right column.

Have a great weekend!

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

The Great Outdoor Bathroom Experiment

Redneck has informed the 'chick that this weekend, they will be going camping. That's fine, except that the 'chick has never GONE camping.

While she is sure that she will enjoy it, there is one area of concern. Just a little concern, of a delicate nature.

Where they are going camping is truly the Great Outdoors which means . . . no restroom facilities.

This is fine for the guys. They are handily equipped for just such an adventure.

The 'chick? Not so much.

So, over the past few days, the 'chick put out a call to the other females in her office to get some advice.

1. Pee downhill.
2. If you can't pee downhill, it's better to take your shoes off.
3. If you can't take your shoes off, wear washable shoes.
4. If possible, take off all lower garments, including shoes.
5. Whenever possible, pee downhill.

Helpful hints in comments.