Tuesday, June 03, 2008

The Great Outdoor Bathroom Experiment

Redneck has informed the 'chick that this weekend, they will be going camping. That's fine, except that the 'chick has never GONE camping.

While she is sure that she will enjoy it, there is one area of concern. Just a little concern, of a delicate nature.

Where they are going camping is truly the Great Outdoors which means . . . no restroom facilities.

This is fine for the guys. They are handily equipped for just such an adventure.

The 'chick? Not so much.

So, over the past few days, the 'chick put out a call to the other females in her office to get some advice.

1. Pee downhill.
2. If you can't pee downhill, it's better to take your shoes off.
3. If you can't take your shoes off, wear washable shoes.
4. If possible, take off all lower garments, including shoes.
5. Whenever possible, pee downhill.

Helpful hints in comments.


fringes said...

6. Camp in the lobby of an Embassy Suites
7. Use hotel potty before, during and after free breakfast and happy hour

Roadchick said...

Fringes~ Camping at Opryland Hotel could be an option. They have mastered the art of bringing the outdoors indoors. It's just those pesky park rangers. . . err, security guards that might object to sleeping bags in the gazebo.

briliantdonkey said...

The only suggestion I can make is dont forget the tp, Otherwise you are BOUND to grab poison ivy to wipe with. You'd THINK that only happens in movies but ohhhh noooooo.


Roadchick said...

Donkey DARLIN~ OMG - you're BACK.
The TP advice was offered by another camping friend last night. Also the adage: "Leaves of three, let them be."
And racoons are smarter than you think . . . and they have hands. Lock your food up.

heather said...

good god fringes! you are most definitely ~not~ a country girl are you? you're so funny. :-)

downhill is good. as long as it's not steep. falling down a hill with your pants around your ankles getting drenched with your own urine does not sound good. i don't recommend it. i do however recommend a ~wide~ stance. if the stance is wide enough your shoes will be well out of harms way. and look before you squat! keep your back against a tree. it will help with the balance till you get the hang of it. and um, the pants/shorts down past the knees and held kinda up and forward, hard to explain.

you'll figure it out. have lots of fun and don't forget your bear bag. or leave everything in the vehicle at night. not just the food. anything shiny too. raccoons love pots and pans too.
oh and no perfumes!! scented lotions, deodorant, shampoos, etc can attract insect like you wouldn't believe. so yeah, you're not gonna smell the greatest but who the hell cares? you're ~camping~ :-)

Liz said...

Try leaning against a tree, with a wide stance. And if you have to shit, have your husband drive you into town. There's no good way to shit in the woods.

Unless you're a bear.

Susan said...

"There's no good way to shit in the woods...unless you're a bear"

I seriously just about choked on tea.

I was always told to pee over a log if that makes sense. I'm not a campin' gal.

Roadchick said...

Heather~ So, in other words, you recommend the Senator Larry Craig approach to peeing in the woods. Hopefully, there will not be an undercover cop in the bush next door waiting to arrest the 'chick. That would take some 'splainin.

Liz~ LMFAO. Good advice. And advice that will probably be taken.

Susan~ That's a new one . . . probably thought up by a "wildlife" photographer.

Kim G. said...

Not a fan of camping myself. ALWAYS require facilities if I'm going to "rough" it. I'd suggest limiting liquids. Maybe a package of "depends" for night time? (Peeing downhill in the dark sounds like it should only be done by licensed professionals.) Good luck.