Monday, February 18, 2008

Kleenex and Cough Drops

In the past week, the 'chick managed to catch a horrible cold? flu? and has spent days in bed, not caring what was going on in the world around her.

Last Tuesday, the 'chick was on the road for work, at a branch office a couple of hours from home. The 'chick was fine. All day. Wonderful. Full of energy and good cheer. Redneck called to let her know that he had picked up the headboard and delivered it to her house, but was going home again because he didn't feel well.

The 'chick came home, lugged the headboard and bed frame into the house from the garage and began ripping apart her bed to put the new bed together. She polished the wood and used neutral shoe polish on the leather and everything was lovely. She flipped her mattress and box spring up against the wall and hauled out the old bed frame (into the living room where it would remain like modern art for DAYS) and scooted the headboard into place.

Now, to assemble the frame. This should not be difficult, right? The 'chick has done this before. It would not hook into the headboard. Maybe a little gentle persuasion with a hammer. Which was in the toolbox, in the closet. Behind the flipped up mattress and box spring. Shit.

Scootch the mattress and box spring down, retrieve the toolbox, get the hammer out - back in business.

Pause to sneeze.

Ignore sneezing because obviously dust has been stirred up (and vacuumed away) and there was the polishing that went on.

Fiddle around with the bedframe some more. Attempt to hook in the footboard as directed. Fiddle, fiddle. Sneeze.

Fiddle a little more and cringe when the headboard falls forward and the frame crashes to the floor, just missing the 'chick where she is crouching by the footboard. Carefully pick up the headboard, scared that there will be large slashes in the leather from the hooks on the bedframe. Sigh in relief that all is still in one piece.

Sneeze, sneeze, sneeze.

Think about it for a few minute and say "Fuck it" - slide the headboard back to the side wall, move the frame pieces into the hallway and drop the box spring and mattress down onto the floor like a college student. Slowly remake the bed, retrieve the pillows from the couch in the living room, ignore the old bedframe in the middle of the living room floor, put on pajamas, dose up on Nyquil, and get into bed.

Get up in the morning to snow and ice and closed schools. Check the planner and see that there are visits that MUST be completed ON THIS DAY, or else. Sigh.

Wait a little while for the roads to clear a little, take a hot shower (hoping that would help clear her head), and hit the road.

Do the visits as fast as possible, not staying more than a few minutes and trying not to touch anything so she won't contaminate her clients' homes. Advise staff to Lysol after her once she's gone.

Talk to Redneck. Express her intention of going home and dying.

Stop at the store. Buy more Nyquil, toilet paper, milk, everything that was running out. Forget Kleenex. Forget to get anything to eat for lunch.

Go home. Unload everything, put it (sort of) away. Collapse onto the floor/bed. Look up in astonishment as Redneck appears and laughs at her design statement of the floor/bed.

Get up again, help him put together the headboard and bed frame. Feel vindicated when he cannot get the headboard and frame to mate happily without chiseling away excess wood. Remake the bed with fresh sheets.

Stagger around, finding pajamas, changing clothes, finally collapse into bed.

The 'chick did not stir from the bedroom for more than five minutes in three days. Well, actually, that is not true.

Redneck took her to lunch at Cracker Barrel on Valentine's Day. It was miserable, but only because the 'chick was too sick to enjoy it, unable to hear due to stopped up ears, and really uncomfortable sitting in an upright position for more than a few minutes.

Back home again. Back to bed.

The bed is lovely. It was not properly made until Saturday so until then, the 'chick had no idea what it would even look like for real.

But, health is slowly coming back and the 'chick is in the land of the living once more. Luckily, the 'chick's office is closed for Presidents' Day, so she has one more day to get herself together and clean up the house.

(The old bedframe was taken apart on Saturday and stashed in the attic in case it's ever needed again. The living room looks much better.)


heather said...

kudos on the near miss.

hope you feel much better soon.

Autrice DelDrago said...

Get well soon!

theyarnwhisperer said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Knit Witch said...

Ugh.....that crap has been going around. Hope you are feeling better!

Susan said...

I was desperately sick all of last week too. I, honestly, was too sick to even have that "oh, it's horrible to be alone on v-day" thing go on. I thought I was better this week but I woke up this morning feeling ill again. It's like revenge of the cold.