Thursday, June 28, 2007

Danger Will Robinson!

The 'chick is not exactly sure which brother came up with the bright idea that Mom needed a computer. Roadchick's mom is not exactly tech savvy and not much of an adventurer. But, she wanted to feel like she was a part of the 21st century and so, a computer was selected and purchased.

Actually, several computers were selected and purchased and returned or sold.

The cycle began about two years ago. Roadchick's mom decided she needed a laptop. So she could be "on the line". Yeah.

Roadchick, being a dutiful daughter, took Mom shopping for a laptop. Mom could afford a computer capable of launching the Space Shuttle. The laptop she picked out was so sweet that it made the 'chick weep with envy but also brought a ray of hope to her blackened heart, thinking Mom would soon tire of this new activity and the 'chick would be on the receiving end of some very sweet technology.

A week went by. Mom called. She was ready, she announced, to take the laptop out of the box.

What the fuck?

If Roadchick had bought that computer, it would've been out of the box before she ever made it across the parking lot to the car.

Roadchick went over to Mom's house and prepared to Set Up The Computer.

A sharp knife was on hand to slice the security tape sealing the box. She was poised, ready to cut.


Maybe this wasn't a good idea - after all, so many years without a computer, why start now?

She returned the laptop to the store and there was a vast and grateful silence across the countryside.

About six months ago, the computer virus (because it has to be something that causes relapses) reared its ugly head again. This time, Mom went to the brothers.

Eldest brother guided her through the selection process and again, a sweet laptop was purchased and delivered. A wireless mouse. Internet service from the cable company was ordered and installed. She got a wireless router, for God's sake.

Mom played with it for about a week, then decided it was not for her.

For the love . . .

The laptop was sold to a business associate of elder brother.

An E-Machine was selected and purchased. Eldest brother was once again enlisted in the set-up. Middle brother's mad computer skillz were also called into play. Everything was ready to go.


Except they didn't finish the install of Microsoft Word.

Except they didn't teach her how to open an email attachment.

Except they didn't teach her how to REPLY to an email.

Except one of them, curse his blackened soul, told her that if she ever saw a yellow triangle with an exclamation point in it, it was a PROBLEM that MUST BE DEALT WITH RIGHT AWAY BEFORE THE NUCLEAR WEAPONS COULD LAUNCH AND BRING ANNIHILATION UPON ALL MANKIND.

Except they didn't tell her to call them for technical assistance.

The call came at 4:00 this afternoon, just as the 'chick was settling into the hot, hot car after a long day at work.

The Yellow Triangle Of Doom had reared its ugly head and the 'chick must come fix it RIGHT AWAY.

Never mind that the 'chick had other activities planned.

So . . . the triangle?

It was telling her that it was time to run a virus scan.

Rest easy.

The Free World is safe.

Until next week, when it's time to scan again.


briliantdonkey said...

It is always comical(though a bit painful) to see those of an older generation who are soooooo damned scared of technology. Trying to get my oldest brother(who is prolly about your mom's age) to use the computer is pointless. Cell phones? scare the shit out of him. Email? forget it! I laugh every time. Then again I try to control my laughter, because as I have always feared at SOME point EYE will be that older scareder generation. My recent IPOD purchase was the first hint of that proving to be true. Dumb as a rock I was when approaching that, but I pushed through it okay in my eyes. My 19 year old nephew, who was the recipient of my 4 billion questions, probably doesn't think so, but at least as of yet he has kept his thoughts to himself.


mist1 said...

My mom's computer is better than mine. The top flips around and folds down and has touch screen and voice recognition and telekinesis and sh*t. It's battery life is like three weeks.

Mom rubs it in all the time.

Michael Thomas said...

The General Manager at Work (Mom to the two owners) can use the computer, but is so paranoid and averse to change that she freaked out when I unplugged her computer from the wall to move it to a different office for her.

Roadchick said...

Donkey~ invest in a teenaged child of your own. It saves using the phone.

Mist~ Any of the laptops had that potential. The computer she has now? No. The elves inside are tired or on strike.

Michael~ When you unplug the computer from the wall, it loses all the memory. Didn't you know that?

fringes said...

Give her a new abacus for Christmas. I got my dad one. He loved it.

heather said...

i shouldn't laugh too hard. i'm not that much further along than she is. lol

but i feel your pain. you should figure out which brother told her that and make sure his next few months are filled with crisis calls. :-)