Thursday, June 21, 2007

An Open Letter

Dear Swimwear Designer,

First of all, please accept our thanks for discovering the wonderful world of the "tankini". It makes good sense to allow women everywhere to choose the correct size for both top and bottom. This is a good thing.

So, please, don't take it the wrong way when we point out that, for some of us, the ones that Mother Nature has been . . . generous with . . .the cute, adorable suits do not quite fit, exactly. The bottoms are great - couldn't be better. The problem is with the tops.

The tops. Where to begin?

See, Swimwear Designer, some of us actually have breasts, boobs, casaba melons - whatever term gets your heart racing. And sometimes, our bodies are not really in proportion. (Think Pamela Anderson. Think Anna Nicole Smith. Think Dolly Parton.)

And when our bodies are not in proportion, we have a problem finding swimwear if we cannot afford to have our own swimwear designer available to whip up custom sized pieces.

In order to find tops that fit and cover more than a bandaid, we have to look at the misses' and women's sizes. Now, please, sit down for this next part - who in the hell told you that larger women (no matter WHY they are larger) actually like wild purple floral prints that look like Grandma on acid? Whoever led you astray should be shot. Honey, no one looks good in that shit.

Is there a particular reason that you, Swimwear Designer, think that women who need a little more coverage can't have the cute styles and patterns too? Is there a reason that you cannot just extend the style all the way up the size range?

Let the 'chick give you an example.

There was an adorable white eyelet tankini. The bottoms were fabulous. The top, well, not so good. Maybe as a bandana to hold back her hair. As a swim top suitable for public wear? Uh uh, nope, no way.

Your assistance would be greatly appreciated by women everywhere.




Susan said...

I totally understand what you're saying in this one. I've also noticed a ton of animal print. I have yet to meet someone who looks good in a leopard print anything..

kanyoo ceemee said...

AMEN!! Being quite generously busty myself, I totally feel that letter. I am not a grandma and I care not for dark blue suits with white anchors and big fugly flowers on them.

Roadchick said...

Susan~ actually, leopard print is quite fetching on the leopard.

Kanyoo~ dark blue suits are gawdawful. They remind the 'chick of gymsuits.

heather said...

jesus christ chic!!! cheeks and i just spent 15 minutes searching for whatever the hell was making that sound. lmao! damn near drove me nuts. i had my headphones plugged in but i wasn't wearing them. on top of that i'm hard of hearing and wasn't wearing my hearing aid and cheeks ~never~ shuts the fuck up. you could've warned a girl :-)

heather said...

now that i've finally had a chance to read the post,,,,, (cheeks and i had to check out all of the other pets first)

no kidding! i am soooo with you! i mean, granted, some styles are better left to the slimmer girls (think leggings) but for the most part the slimmer styles should transfer easily to larger proportions.

Pacian said...

So my mental image of the 'Chick has now been adjusted to be a good 50-60% more voluptuous.

briliantdonkey said...

My personal favorite is the "dunlop belly"(done lopped over the belt) combined with the "done shrunk" bathing suit. This is equally disturbing in both men AND women unfortunately.


Geosomin said...

After reading this I just have to say THANKS :) I just went bathing suit shopping the other day and I *so* very much agree.

Also...may I say, I am glad you seek out and wear a suit that fits. My sister in law still wears her suit that is old and unfortunately now about 4 sizes too small. There are things I don't want to see on the beach...if I went to a nude beach, well hey, OK, but just down by the pool? Noone needs that...noone wants extra exposure to my special bits and bobs...
I have to say that the one thing I liked about losing weight was that I can now buy a bathing suit that does not look like a dog on acid threw up on it or I am some sort of insane sailor's crack whore...:)