Tuesday, October 17, 2006

The Birth of a Stalker

As promised, the 'chick is back to elaborate on one of the items that she checked on the Mindless Monday list.

Topic for today: Had A Crush On A Teacher
Also filed under: Most Embarrassing Moment, EVER

When Roadchick was still just a Roadchicklet and in high school, she Had A Crush On A Teacher. Not just any teacher, mind you. He was a new teacher (just out of college with the ink barely dry on his teaching certificate) and also a football and wrestling coach. And, absolutely adorable. Absolutely.

Roadchicklet was about 16 years old and madly in love with the Coach, who was also her Geometry for Idiots teacher. There was much adolescent mooning around and contrived reasons to speak to the Coach.

One rainy afternoon, Roadchicklet and another smitten female decided it would be very cool to do a drive-by of the Coach's house (where he lived with his older brother, also a Coach and Teacher at the same high school).

So, being very cool, the pair c r u i s e d by sloooowly with much giggling involved. Then, rode around the block and c r u i s e d by sloooowly again, still giggling.

Hee hee - isn't that his car in the driveway? Why yes, it is. Hee hee hee.

A few minutes later, another slooooow drive by. Giggling ensues.

A few minutes after that, following much circling of the block, the girls get bolder.

(Y'all know that this is not going to be good, right?)

Instead of circling the block, this time the girls decide to turn around in the driveway.

Bad idea.

Bad, bad idea.

You see, Patient Reader, it had been raining. For several days. And the driveway was gravel and mud. Do you see where this is going?

Smitten Girlfriend pulls into the driveway and puts the car into reverse. She gently presses the accelerator. And promptly sinks to the axles in mud and gravel.

(The only good thing Roadchick can say about this is - at least she wasn't driving and it wasn't her car.)

The car is stuck. Stuck fast. As in concrete. Not moving.

Oh no.

Much quick thinking is going on in the car.

There is no alternative option available so Roadchicklet and Smitten Girlfriend get out of the car, sinking to the knees in mud and gravel and start making their way to the front door.

The shame and embarrassment are nearly overwhelming but again - there are no other options. This was before the days of common cell phone ownership and even if they had one - no way to avoid detection.

They ring the doorbell and Coach Adorable opens the door. Roadchicklet and Smitten Girlfriend do their best to act surprised that Coach Adorable lives in this particular house on this particular street.

They explain the situation and Coach Adorable looks over their shoulders to see the car mired in his driveway. Fortunately Coach Adorable's older brother is NOT at home - yet.

Coach Adorable makes his way out to the car and has to help PUSH the car out of the mud, getting liberally coated in mud in the process. Roadchicklet is ready to die of embarrassment. She offers a pan of brownies, completely homemade as a bribe for his silence.

Coach Adorable agrees not to say anything (yeah, right!) in exchange for brownies.

The next day, Roadchicklet delivers the promised brownies to school. When she gets to Coach Adorable's brother's class (he taught biology), she was treated to a few rather cryptic comments regarding mud and brownies and driveways and cars. She wanted to sink through the floor. Coach Brother agrees to keep silent in exchange for chocolate chip cookies.

A couple of years later, when Roadchicklet was graduating, she received a present from the Coaches. It was a pan of brownies with a Matchbox car sunk in the middle.

Roadchick did learn a lesson from the whole experience and refined her stalking technique. She now knows to NOT turn around in the victim's driveway because you just never know what might happen if you do. Let Roadchick's embarrassment be a lesson to you - it's better to stalk from a little further out.


Michael Thomas said...

Oh My Lord. I could so see that happening to me, only with the laid off coal miner husband with the crappy attitude answering the lovely female teacher's door instead. Visions of shotguns, baseball bats, and shallow graves down by the creek ensue.
You had me LMAO!


Pacian said...


If you know what I mean.

briliantdonkey said...

wow that is you? All this time in this great big world of ours, I had NO idea. I once lived there. EYE once was a very young teacher, EYE once had two female students pull into and get stuck in my driveway! My brother and I still laugh about that to this very day!
Coach adorable huh? wow,,,,,tis a small world after all!


briliantdonkey said...

Just kidding obviously, but THAT would be a hoot!

Roadchick said...

Donkey Dahlin' - if it was true, the 'chick would be heading south to FL to do a little stalking. Cuz he was that adorable.

Crafty Green Poet said...

I love this story - partly cos I can relate to it, though never has my 'stalking' ended up so embarressing. Love the brownie cake with the Matchbox car in it.