Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Open Wide

Lord, y'all, it's been a hell of a week so far.

This morning, the 'chick woke up healthy. By mid-afternoon, she was praying for death and still had a two hour drive ahead of her, just to get home. A lovely co-worker came to the monthly staff meeting with the flu last week. So, just to be on the safe side, considering that the 'chick was coughing her head off, she went to the doctor when she finally got home.

Luckily, her doctor's office does a walk-in clinic in the evenings since the 'chick's illnesses usually refuse to be scheduled or occur during convenient daytime hours.

Roadchick likes her doctor although she avoids going most of the time. He knows this about her so he was shocked to hear that the 'chick's symptoms started only this afternoon. Usually the 'chick will wait a week or two until one of two things happens. 1) She is nearly dead and frightens people in the waiting room. 2) She has battled her way through the initial illness but cannot shake the secondary infection, is nearly dead, and frightens people in the waiting room. The doctor always asks: "Why did you wait so long to come in?" And the 'chick always responds: "Because the 'chick was much too sick to come sit at the doctor's office."

As soon as he heard that there had been flu exposure, he stepped back, feeling for the doorknob.

"Um, I'll just have the nurse do a flu test. Takes about 10 minutes."

And with that, he was gone.

The nurse came in with a rather long cotton swab. The 'chick regarded her, wondering exactly where she thought that overgrown q-tip was going to go. Fortunately, it was only for a nasal swab. Although the 'chick has excellent control over her gag reflex, it does not extend to cotton swabs on long sticks.

Ten minutes later, Dr. Disappearo returned, looking much happier. No flu, according to the q-tip. The 'chick was happy when she saw that he was carrying a sample bag. It's just like Halloween for grown-ups. All you have to do is open wide and say ahhhhhhh. . .and sometimes you get good things.

Come to think of it, that might work well in other situations too.


Michael Thomas said...

The doc wouldn't give me viagra for my back pain, that sorry f**k. I don't understand what could possibly be better exercise

heather said...

michael, you sick puppy!! you made me forget what i was going to say!
oh yeah, chick, i hope that if the samples don't cure you they at least make the illness more fun! heal fast! :-)

Terri /Tinker said...

Glad it's not the flu - I've been so sick the last week, I probably shouldn't even be commenting and taking a chance of this virus mutating and crawling into the computer to spread it's evil germiness...but I wanted to tell you - hope you feel better soon *cough*cough* - sorry about that - I'll go out the door quickly...quick! spray it with lysol!

Ariel said...


Last time I did that I didn't get a lollipop.

mist1 said...

Were there shoes in the goody bag? I might feel sick myself if there were shoes in it.

Autrice DelDrago said...

Was the doctor at least handsome?

Get well soon.

Roadchick said...

Michael~ did you open wide? That's usually the key.

Heather~ One can only hope.

Tinks~ maybe the 'chick should've gone to Symantec instead of the doctor.

Ariel~ Neither did the 'chick.

Mist~ Doc Martens

Autrice~ Unfortunately, George Clooney doesn't work at the 'chick's ER.

bice said...

What other situations? ;)

Kim G. said...

Sorry 'bout the bug o' death. Hope you're feeling better soon!

fringes said...

I love doctor goodie bags. But we're paying, like, 50 bucks for a new toothbrush and some bandaids, you know.

heather said...

i just noticed that you added me to your sidebar, thank you! :-)