Tuesday, March 13, 2007


Over the past few weekends, Roadchick and Redneck have been attending auctions. Now, lest you think that these were high-falutin' affairs, let the 'chick assure you that they most certainly were not, unless Sotheby's or Christie's has started serving nachos and cheese sticks at their sales.

There is a place in Nashville that holds an auction every Saturday night. They have all sorts of things up for bid, from packages of socks (hopefully new) to home appliances and electronics to furniture. What they have changes every week, so you never know what you might find.

This auction house also buys the contents of storage units whose owners have fallen behind on their rent. All sorts of things come out of those - the items mentioned above as well as mysterious boxes of various items that the renter saw fit to pack up and put in storage.

The mystery boxes are sold complete, contents undisclosed. You never know what's inside until it's handed over to the highest bidder.

Normally, the 'chick is restrained at these affairs, always worried that a misplaced twitch or scratch would find her the high bidder on a 1972 Ford Pinto or a lovely clock embellished with ceramic unicorns.

Two weekends ago, the 'chick caught auction fever. Going home with heartburn from auction cheese sticks was no longer satisfying. She longed to take something home with her that would last. That she could point to on a shelf, to prove that she is a shrewd bidder.

The last mystery box of the evening was being held aloft. The 'chick caught her breath, bidding number clutched tightly. She was ready.

The bidding opened at $2 and rose steadily to $9. Going once, going twice. . . SOLD!

The man brought the box to the 'chick and she savored the moment. What would be inside? A crystal decanter and wine glasses? Silverware? Some rare books, first editions, autographed by the author?

Slowly, the 'chick removed the tape holding the box shut and folded back the top.


Inside were two 4-packs of off-brand toilet paper, a bottle of dish detergent, and a (heavy) box of lawn & leaf bags.

Unfortunately, there are no do-overs at the auction.


heather said...

j and i do the auction rounds with the in-laws every chance we get. none of those 'high faultin' affairs for us either. the last time i bid on a mystery box i totaly made out though, i got a labatts blue box full of very well hand crafted yarns!! all for $2.75! they were beautiful, scarves for everyone that year and 2 for me. :-)

heather said...

btw, who the hell puts toilet paper and dish soap in storage????

briliantdonkey said...

heather beat me to my question. WTF? Look at the bright side. You saved half a trip to the grocery store. It kind of scares me that you didn't specify (new) on the toilet paper like you did regarding the sox. Could have been worse.


mist1 said...

That still sounds like a pretty good deal to me.

Pacian said...

two 4-packs of off-brand toilet paper, a bottle of dish detergent, and a (heavy) box of lawn & leaf bags

Don't knock it: if you're ever trapped on a desert island you can make a small house out of this stuff and still have enough materials left over for a make-shift microwave!

Michael Thomas said...

Hey now, what's wrong with Ceramic Unicorns?

Ariel said...

I happen to like ceramic unicorns. I'd be buying all the mystery boxes. I'm a flake like that..

Kim G. said...

For the cost of a movie, you got a great night of entertainment and some useful goods. Not a total bust! Just like gambling though, if you keep at it enough, you might just get lucky.

We went to my husband's school auction a few weeks ago for a cheap date. Holy crap, we came out spending about 4 times what we would have going to dinner and a movie! You get sucked in by the, "It's all for a good cause," mantra.