Wednesday, December 27, 2006

No Parking on the Dance Floor

The 'chick has returned from the mall. Twice. In two days. Clearly, she is insane.

Yesterday, everybody in the world was at the mall but amazingly enough, the 'chick and Rockboy parked close to the doors thanks to good timing and the 'chick's Magic Parking Spell. Rockboy bought two pairs of jeans and it was over. Nearly painless.

This morning, the 'chick returned to the mall for her annual eye exam. Her eye doctor is next to the Lenscrafters so she had to go back. The appointment was at 10:30 so parking wasn't too bad, or shouldn't have been since the mall opened at 10:00. Except.

Except that as the 'chick was cruising the parking lot, looking for a space reasonably close to the doors, a large Suburban decided it would be a good idea to turn down the aisle that the 'chick was in. It was a one way aisle. With the monster truck going the wrong direction. Fully expecting the 'chick to give 'way and back up. Obviously, they didn't know the 'chick.

Roadchick sat there patiently, chatting on her cell phone to Rockboy, and waited for the Suburban to realize the error of its ways. The Suburban, evidently thinking that size makes up for what is lacking in intellect, inched closer to Roadchick, trying to make her move.

Roadchick, almost Zen-like in her calm, put Payback into Park, and waited. Smiling gently.

The driver of the Suburban gestured to Roadchick. Just a friendly "Merry Christmas" wave, she is sure. Roadchick smiled and sipped her tall latte, still chatting to Rockboy.

Eventually, after a few minutes, the Suburban conceded defeat and backed out of the aisle, a sadder but wiser SUV.

After the eye exam was over (Roadchick's eye doctor totally ROCKS, y'all. Did you know that they don't have to dilate your eyes anymore? Now they do a really bright flash Polaroid instead. The 'chick asked for a copy for her fridge, but the girl evidently didn't think the 'chick was serious.) the 'chick wandered the mall for a few minutes.

Now, the 'chick is proud to say that until yesterday, she made it through the entire holiday season without setting foot in the mall. When exactly did they start pumping Pimp Spray through the HVAC system? The entire mall was full of this . . . scent. Yuck. Whatever it was gave the 'chick a headache and caused her eyes to burn which led to her finishing up her business and getting out of there as fast as possible.

What business, you ask?

A visit to TicketMaster for monster truck tickets. Skaterboy's birthday is coming up and in honor of the big day, all the Roadies are going to see the monster trucks. Because the 'chick has a bit of the gambler in her, she bought General Admission tickets. That, and they were $10 cheaper than assigned seating. She's willing to risk it.

As the 'chick walked back to her car, she noticed a rather large tow truck pulled up behind the Payback. For a moment, a brief moment, the 'chick thought that maybe the Suburban she had schooled earlier was having a moment of revenge but that wasn't it. The tow truck moved out of the way so the 'chick could back out. As she headed down the row, a driver came screeching towards her on the one way aisle, wanting her parking space. Fortunately for him, he moved to the right and left enough room for the 'chick to proceed because otherwise, she would have absolutely backed up and pulled into her parking space again.

Just because.


Michael Thomas said...

You are EVIL! >>Soft golf clap<<

Tom Bailey said...

First visit connected through another blog. The road chick idea is interesting.

briliantdonkey said...

I KNEW I liked you for a reason! Fellow super stubborn person. Add that to the list of reasons.