Saturday, January 06, 2007

Caffeine, Nicotine, and Stupid

Up until just the other day, the title of this post was a defining force in the 'chick's life. This phrase is a Roadchick original and should be considered copyrighted, trademarked, and generally owned by the 'chick. However, if it applies to your situation, you are welcome to use it. Please rinse it off and return it when you're done.

Caffeine, nicotine, and stupid.

Four little words that defined her state of being after one too many late nights or a wicked bout of insomnia or too many days on the road for work.

Caffeine, nicotine, and stupid.

It was the glue that held the 'chick together somedays.

It was her stock answer for when someone would ask how it was going or how on earth she could get 22 minutes of sleep and still be at work, early, gettin' it done before heading out for the evening only to do it all again the next day.

Caffeine, nicotine, and stupid.

So, the whole "quit smoking" thing. It's messing up the system. It's got the 'chick down to:

Caffeine and stupid

And, y'all, that's not nearly as funny.

The 'chick was talking to a friend yesterday and he was trying to distract her from her addiction long enough for the full body force wave of pure need that was all she could focus on to diminish. Because the 'chick wanted a cigarette so badly that her teeth itched.

Nice, Patient, Good Friend: So, I had a meeting with the boss and then went to lunch.

'chick: Lunch? Lunch? The 'chick would like to EAT a pack of cigarettes. With a cigar for dessert. And possibly a nice tobacco salad to start.

Nice, Patient, Good Friend: (insert some soothing commentary here that has NOTHING to do with smoking)

'chick: (still obsessing) See, this is why the 'chick never did cocaine. Because she would've liked it and she would've done it until it killed her. The cigarettes are probably killing her but it was so gradual that it didn't matter. Unless instant death occured because she was hit by a truck while rummaging on the floor for a lit cigarette that she dropped while opening her beer.


briliantdonkey said...

Glad to hear you are still hanging in there. Congratulations, keep up the good work.


Brooklyn Frank said...

congrats, muchos kudos

Bice said...

Stick with it. It'll save you money in the long run. You won't need to get your teeth whitened in 20 years when nicotine yellow has replaced white enamel.

Kim G. said...

I wish I could show you a close up of my mom's face. She's been smoking since she was 12 and she looks twenty years older than she really is. Take out the nicotine and replace it with vanity if you must! ;) Who wants to look like an old hag in a few years? Take that money you have been spending on cigs and buy yourself some strappy shoes, a slinky dress or some nice shiny things to wear on your person. Hang in there - it will be worth the discomfort you're in now!

mist1 said...

If you trademarked C, N & S, I'd like to coin Alcohol, Nicotine and Stupid.

heather said...

while this is my first comment here, i've been reading your stuff for a few weeks now. (thank bd for that, from both of us) i just wanted to say hang in there. as for your cn&s you can always go to caffine, lack of nicotine and brains or to keep the rhythm, caffine, lack-o-tine, and stupid

Roadchick said...

BD~ Thanks, dahlin'. It's appreciated!

Brooklyn Frank~ Welcome & thank you!

Bice~ The 'chick will get 'em whitened anyway. Gonna have to spend that money somehow!

Kim~ Vanity and poverty are the driving forces here...probably more vanity though.

Mist~ If you put a German spin on would be Alcohol, Nicotine Und Stupid...or A.N.U.S. which is usually how it winds up when alcohol is in the mix. *g*

Heather~ Welcome! Glad you de-lurked to comment. The alternate sayings will be taken under advisement.

Killer said...

You could also die quickly from a cigarette if, while it's in your mouth, you accidentally pick up that mason jar of turpentine on the counter next to your coffee and while attempting to drink it, your cigarette makes it explode. That would involve the entire Holy Trinity: Caffeine, Nicotine, and especially Stupid.

Roadchick said...


No worries - the 'chick gave up drinking turpentine for Lent last year.

Michael Thomas said...

So it's Monday. You hangin in there, kiddo? Be tough.

Susan said...

I hope you made it through without the C. The bad thing is it always seems the C goes with alcohol so that makes enjoying a good box of wine hard.

...or maybe that's just me.

tinker said...

You're inspiring me here. Keep on making me look bad, and eventually I might give up stupid long enough to give up the other things. Go 'chick - you can do it!