Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Funny, Like VD

Hi, y'all!

It feels like the 'chick has not posted anything worthwhile in a LOOOOONG time. It is not necessary to agree with the 'chick in comments. Really. She knows. And apologizes.

So, what have y'all been doing?

Life at Chez Roadtrip has been just a little chaotic lately. All the lame ducks are quacking at once and the 'chick has been driving (literally driving) herself demented trying to be everything to everyone at the same time. But, things seem to be settling down a little (knock on wood) and hopefully life will get back to what approaches normal in Roadchick's world.

This morning, the 'chick was trying to catch up on some of her blog reading instead of working and found, much to her surprise, that the Roadtrip is up for review at BlogLaughs. The 'chick is a reviewer for BlogLaughs and offered the Roadtrip up for ritualistic sacrifice during a period when there weren't a lot of blogs in the queue for review. Needless to say - TERRIFIED NOW! Especially, since just lately, the Roadtrip has been as funny as a case of the clap.

A couple of weeks ago, Rockboy's band did a show at a little music club in lovely downtown NashVegas. The club is in a definitely questionable area, located directly in front of the World's Largest Adult Bookstore and just down the street from the Mission, where Nashville's homeless can get a hot meal and a warm place to sleep. (Yes, the 'chick regularly donates money since her time is rather full, what with her day job supporting the mentally retarded and developmentally disabled, rescuing her own personal lame ducks, and doing the laundry.) So, on the day, Roadchick, proud band mama that she is, arrived at the club around 6:00 p.m. and met up with Rockboy and his bandmates. They all hung around in the bitter cold until the side door was unlocked so the amps and guitars could be unloaded and carried inside. As soon as the doors opened, a flock of homeless guys appeared from the darkened side streets.

As the 'chick was supervising a Marshall full stack amp sitting on the sidewalk, one of the homeless guys approached and proceeded to chat up the 'chick.

Homie: Hey, pretty baby - got any money?

'Chick: No.

Homie: Pretty baby - nice car.

'Chick: Thanks. (Intercepting a grabbing motion) No, don't touch that amp. Because the 'chick will absolutely kick your ass over it. Step back. Now.

Homie: Ok, ok - no problem.

Homie: (Rummaging inside his jacket)

'Chick: (Watching, arms folded)

Homie: (Producing a wrinkled bag of sour cream & onion potato chips)

Homie: Pretty baby - chips? Chips? (Offering the bag)

'Chick: No, thanks though.

Homie: (Wandering through the opened door of the club, still shaking his bag of chips)

Homie hung around for awhile before being escorted out the side door by the management of the club. Apparently, he is a regular. And regularly booted.

A couple of hours later, the 'chick went out to the car to plug her cell phone into the charger. Immediately, another homeless guy approached, hands out. The 'chick kept an eye on him but continued on with what she was doing. As she walked back around front, the man approached.

Homie #2: Hey, giving away money?

'Chick: Really? Where? Because if someone is, you'll have to get in line behind the 'chick.

Now, before anyone tells the 'chick that she is mean and heartless - don't. Please don't. The 'chick loves puppies and kitties and fluffy soft ducklings. They're delicious.

Waiting around for the show to start is always a boring time. Many cigarettes are smoked by many people, the girlfriends all primp and giggle, the musicians act cool and talk about record deals. This time though, there was amusement. It came in the form of a cell phone call. The drummer of the band had given his cell phone to the rhythm guitarist to hold while he did a partial set-up of his drum kit.

The phone rang and the Boy answered it. It was the drummer's girlfriend. She did not realize she was not talking to her drummer boyfriend. Mistake. Big, big mistake.

Girl: (talk, chat, talk, chat)

Boy: So, you know, it would be good if you would give my 8 friends a ride home after the show. To show that you really do want to be with me.

Girl: (now on speaker phone) Well...um...you know my car is kind of small....I can't fit all of them in.

Boy: So you make a few trips.

Girl: Um...well, you know I have to be home by midnight....and my dad checks the mileage on the car....

This type of conversation continued on in the same vein for awhile and then....then, it happened.

Boy: I know that it's really kind of soon but....I love you.

Girl: (still totally unaware that 1. it's NOT her boyfriend and 2. she's on speakerphone) ..........(pause)......Really? Do you mean that?

Boy: No. This is (fill in name here)

Girl: Hangs up phone.

Now, y'all - it was WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. But funny as hell. In order to atone for laughing her ass off, the 'chick did go tell the drummer to collect his phone immediately and call his girlfriend to calm her down.

One week later, the band did another show at a different venue. Yes, drummer and girlfriend are still together. The waiting was a little easier this time because instead of perching on amps and looking for amusement, the 'chick had learned a valuable lesson.

Roadchick and the band went to Burger King instead. It was delicious.


mist1 said...

I would have taken his chips. And probably his lighter too. But, that's just me.

leonie said...

WRONG, yes. But Oh. So. Funny.

briliantdonkey said...

Shame on them! Doing that without me there to witness it is just flat out wrong!


Michael Thomas said...

Being me, I'd tell her I just got back from the Doctor this morning and I have crabs. And her being the love of my life and the only one I'm spending time with - maybe she should go check herself out.

Susan said...

I, personally, think VD is hilarious.

That is so wrong but I laughed so hard at the "I love you"...

Glad to see you back.

Roadchick said...

Mist~ the 'chick went for the keys to the Lexus instead.

Leonie~ Of course, that was what made it so funny, really.

Donkey~ You're invited to the next show.

Michael~ She would've wanted to know when you went to Red Lobster without her.

Susan~ It made the 'chick a little teary-eyed because it was exactly the sort of thing she would've done at that age. Hell, at this age, too.

fringes said...

Good luck with the bloglaughs review. I don't think you have much to worry about. You've got the funnee.