Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Valentine = B-1 (The Vitamin of Love)

Happy Valentine's Day, y'all!

The other night, the 'chick asked Skaterboy (Redneck's son) if he had gotten his Valentines for school yet. Since he's in the third grade, the Valentine's Day party is still a reality.

In typical male fashion, he said no, he had not, but he guessed he'd better get some before the party. Since Redneck, Roadchick, and Skaterboy were going into town, the 'chick said they'd get some.

The crew headed to Walmart, local Valentine's Day emporium. There were Valentine shirts, pj bottoms, panties, and socks. There was candy and bears. There were decorations and wrapping paper and bows.

What was in short supply was Valentine cards for kids.

Granted, it was a bit late in the Season O' Love to be shopping for such an item, but still...

Skaterboy was forced to choose between SpongeBob Squarepants and Harley-Davidson. He chose the Harley cards. The 'chick asked him if he needed to bring something to the party, like candy.

What he said struck horror and sadness deep into her soul.

Candy is not allowed at school.

WTF? No candy? No candy on Valentine's Day? No chalky candy hearts saying Will U B Mine? No melty, gooey chocolate hearts? No cupcakes with red heart sprinkles and Hawaiian Punch?

Redneck explained that the school was concerned that kids were not eating healthy and made a rule that only "healthy" things can be brought to school. The kids will actually get into trouble if they are caught with candy or soda.

What the hell are these kids being fed at parties? Soy milk? Apples? Bran muffins with carob chips?

The 'chick offered to crash the Valentine Party with an enormous sack of chocolate and sugar but Redneck talked her out of it, explaining that Skaterboy would get into trouble if she did.

It doesn't bode well for the adults of the future. The kids of today need to learn how to spoil others with loads of crap on holidays.

Picture it: Valentine's Day, 20 years in the future. An older Skaterboy arrives at his girlfriend's house, Valentine's Day gift in hand.

She opens it, breathless with anticipation.

Inside: a protein bar and a bottle of water.

Healthy Valentine's Day!


Ariel said...

You sit in horror, but my 11th grade year a guy bought me sugar free low carb chocolates. (reference "dime roll" on fringes blog comments) It didn't go over well. Imagine an insecure yet much louder version of Ariel the Bartender screaming

"WTF you *beep beep bleeepity beep* Do you think I'm FAAAAAAAAT?"

mist1 said...

I'd better not get a heart shaped box of alfalfa sprouts tonight.

Michael Thomas said...

Anything "nonfat" or "lowfat" for Valentines Day, or Christmas, or Anniversary. Might as well hop on to the express elevator to HELL.

Aimee said...

bahahaha. that isn't a very pretty picture. Bring on the candy!

I'm on WW and doing pretty well - my boyfriend got me chocolates and I asked, "but why chocolate?" and he said, "I wasn't thinking" LOL
We're eating them though and they are good.

Your cookie bouquet comment on missdoxie's site made me HAVE to stop by. :) Happy Heart Day.

briliantdonkey said...

That does sound like a horror story waiting to happen. Ariel , I hope you don't still hold it against him,,,,just a rookie mistake is all.


Terri /Tinker said...

It's come to this, then.
What next, the Easter Bunny brings a basket of wheatgrass and a carton of cholesterol-free Scramblers? Jeesh.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Killer said...

Send some candy corns, they shouldn't really be considered candy and they look like mutant corn chunks.

Autrice DelDrago said...

There was a local district a while back (in Colorado) that wanted to cease the "card swap" thing because "some children receive more cards than others, which is an affront to their self esteem."

*shrug* I think we are too PC for our own good! LOL