Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Dripping With Insight

And not particularly funny.

During the drive to work this morning, the 'chick had herself a good ol' think. She was thinking about friends that are in her life right now, and friends from the past. The reason for this musing was because of an email that she received from a friend from the past. Just a funny, joke email that perfectly demonstrated the sense of humor that this friend and the 'chick shared.

The 'chick used to be co-workers with this person and was actually pretty close to bestest friends with his wife. The closeness of the friendship lasted over several years, one move to a new house ('chick), one divorce ('chick), several funerals (friends' family members), holidays, birthdays, etc.

The friendship suffered a split when a new employee started at the job. The new co-worker was the office manager and the 'chick was friendly to her, got along well with her, took smoke breaks and lunch breaks with her and eventually became very good friends away from work hours with her.

Old Friends did not like New Friend because . . . who knows? They said she was white trash, things like that. Roadchick thought this was absolute bullshit and let that be known. Besides - at the point that those comments were being made, New Friend was still just New Co-Worker and Roadchick's boss besides. It made good sense, careerwise, to be friendly to the new boss. And besides, there was no reason to be ugly.


Old Friends had their annual Christmas party that year. Roadchick was always invited and usually involved in the planning and execution of the party. First one there, last one to leave. This year, Roadchick was not invited. She was not even told about the party. Old Friends invited many, many people from the office and apparently told everyone to keep it a secret from the 'chick. But, of course, after the party, people were talking it over at work and the 'chick overheard. And the 'chick's feelings were hurt.

It took a little while, but the 'chick got over it. She was still friendly and nice, but not quite so eager to be friends anymore. Things are still friendly and nice, but the friendship never really recovered from that hurt. The 'chick was not so willing to put herself out there again for that hurt to happen.

Another close friend faded off a few years ago. Roadchick and Friend met through work (a different job) and bonded. They went to movies and dinner, drinks, even a roadtrip or two. They even went to church together.

But, Roadchick started noticing that while Friend was usually willing to go along with whatever the 'chick planned, she was not inclined to ever initiate anything on her own. If there were phone calls, the 'chick was the one dialing the phone.

Roadchick and Friend attended the same church and Roadchick, being the heathen that she is, eventually stopped going. (There were actually several reasons, but those don't apply to this particular story.)

Now, Roadchick had kind of figured that Friend might actually call about this because Rockboy and the 'chick were there at least twice a week - Wednesday nights and Sunday mornings. But the phone call never came and the 'chick didn't bother to make the call either. At that point, it seemed like - wow, you didn't even notice that we weren't there.

Of course, all of that flashed through the 'chick's mind pretty quickly which led to this:

Why is it so easy for the 'chick to walk away? Does that mean that she is not letting people really get too close because they're going to disappear anyway?

The 'chick can carry a grudge - she admits that. She will carry it to the ends of the earth and beyond. Not often and it takes some doing to force her to that action, but it can be done.

Before the grudge comes the test.

And the test is this: If you are not calling when you say you are going to, or if you continue to break plans, etc. then the 'chick will sit back and watch. Watch to see if you call or if you are going to take the initiative to plan something and follow through with it. If you do, fine. Things go back to normal. Continue to disappoint? The 'chick takes one more step back. Too many steps back and you fade away into a memory. And, apparently, a blog post.

Advice and therapy in comments.


Susan said...

I wish I could have the answer or advice in this situation but I just don't. I tend to do the same thing. I was telling a coworker yesterday that I'll take a lot from people but once I've had enough, I'm done with them. This applies to ex's, friends or more, family and everything else.

It ends up leaving me wondering where everyone went and, on some very cold sad nights, wondering if it really is me.

Roadchick said...

Nope, it's not you although it probably is very surprising to others when you've had enough after taking it for all that time.

Maybe the secret is to not take it at all - upfront and out loud...

Scottsdale Girl said...

Most people we meet and connect with will not be our lifelong friends. They come and they go. Enjoy while they are there and remember them sweetly when they are gone.

Or kick em in the junk and walk away.

Michael Thomas said...

We have way way too much in common, down to the Test.

Roadchick said...

That is why you are the 'chick's cellmate.

Pacian said...

I think sometimes we're forced to make friends with people just because they're there, even though they'e actually shallow shits who don't even like us.